闲聊

Hello everyone! Welcome to Simply Natural Chinese. I'm Xiaoyue.

Hello everyone! I'm Leo.

Leo, I want to ask you a question.

Sure, go ahead.

You grew up in the UK. Do people there like chatting with others?

Yes, they do. Even with people they don't know well, they'll chat a bit when they meet.

What do they talk about?

The weather, weekend plans, just small things.

Oh, so that's small talk?

Yes! Small talk. How do you say it in Chinese?

We call it xianliao.

Xianliao... that's a good word. So in China, do people also do small talk?

Yes, they do. But it might be a bit different.

What's different?

Okay, let's talk about that today.

Okay, I'm ready!

Leo, how do you usually do small talk in the UK?

The simplest way is to talk about the weather.

Talk about the weather?

Yes. Like The weather is nice today, or It's been raining these past few days.

That's also very common in China.

Really?

Yes. But China has some other ways too.

Like what?

For example, when you see a neighbor, you might ask Have you eaten?

I know this one! We talked about it last time, it's like saying Hello.

Right! You've already learned it.

Anything else?

Also Where are you going? or Have you been busy lately?

These are all questions, but you don't need to answer seriously?

Right, a simple answer is enough. Like Yes, have you? or Just going out for a bit.

Very simple, very relaxed.

Exactly. Small talk is about making everyone relaxed, not being too serious.

I've also noticed that sometimes Chinese people ask some... rather special questions.

What kind of questions?

For example, people ask me How old are you? Are you married? How much do you earn?

Haha, these questions are quite common in China.

Really?

Yes. Especially middle-aged and older people, they like to ask these.

Why do they ask these?

They think differently. They feel that asking you these questions shows they care about you.

Care?

Yes. In their view, they only ask these questions when they treat you like family.

But these questions are very personal.

Yes. But that's how older generations are used to doing things, they see it as being warm and friendly.

Then how should I answer?

You can give a simple answer, or just smile and change the topic.

Won't that be impolite?

No. You don't need to explain in detail.

What about young people? Do they ask these too?

Nowadays, many young people are different.

They won't ask these questions?

Yes, many young people pay more attention to boundaries.

Boundaries?

Yes. It means knowing what you can ask and what you can't.

Can you give an example?

For example, salary, age, relationships—these are all quite personal.

So young people don't ask?

Most young people won't ask directly. They'll only talk about these topics if the other person brings it up.

Is this way better?

Each way has its own benefits.

I'd like to hear about it.

The older generation's way makes people feel very warm and close.

Like family.

Yes. But for some people, it can feel a bit uncomfortable.

Because it's too personal.

Right. Young people's way makes others feel more relaxed and gives them more space.

It's about respecting the other person.

Yes. But some people feel this way is a bit cold.

Like they don't really care.

Right. So there's no right or wrong, just different habits.

I understand. Both ways make sense.

Exactly. The important thing is knowing which way to use in different situations.

Like what?

For example, if you're chatting with an older person and they ask about your salary, you can give a simple answer. Because to them, that's normal.

And with young people?

When chatting with young people, just talk about light topics, don't ask questions that are too personal.

Okay, I learned that.

Actually, no matter which way, the goal is the same.

What goal?

To make the other person feel comfortable and improve the relationship.

Yes, the most important thing in chatting is being comfortable.

Exactly!

Xiaoyue, so in China, if I want to make small talk, how should I do it?

Okay, let me teach you a few methods.

Okay, go ahead.

First step, find a simple topic.

What kind of topic?

The simplest one is, for example, the weather.

I'm familiar with that one.

You can say The weather is really nice today, or It's a bit cold today.

Right, anyone can talk about it, and it won't make people uncomfortable.

Exactly.

What other topics?

Things around you. For example, in a coffee shop, you can say This shop is really nice.

Or This coffee is pretty good.

Yes! Or There are quite a few people here.

All very simple things.

Right. Second step, ask a simple question.

What question?

Like Do you come here often? Do you like coffee? What do you usually do on weekends?

These questions aren't hard to answer either.

Right. Answers can be Sometimes, Yes, Resting at home.

Very short.

Yes. Small talk doesn't need to be long, a few sentences are enough.

Anything else?

Third step, listen carefully and give some response. This is also important, it makes the other person feel you're polite.

How do I respond?

For example, if they say I watched a movie this weekend, you can say Oh? Was it good?

That way the conversation can continue.

Yes. Or simply say Really? Is that so? Wow, interesting.

These are all very simple.

Yes. Just let them feel you're listening, that's enough.

What if I want to end the conversation?

Fourth step, how to end it.

Right, sometimes I don't know how to end it, and it gets awkward.

Many people have this problem. Actually, it's simple.

What do I say?

If they're busy with something, you can say I won't disturb you, let's chat another time.

What if they're resting?

You can say I have something to do, I'll get going. See you.

That sounds natural.

Yes. Or It was nice chatting with you, see you next time.

Got it!

Come on, let's try it.

Okay!

Let's say we meet at a coffee shop.

Sure.

Hi, Leo!

Oh, Xiaoyue! You're here too?

Yeah, I have nothing to do today, so I came for a coffee.

How's the coffee here?

Pretty good. I just ordered a latte, it's delicious.

Then I'll try it too.

You can add a little sugar, it tastes better.

Okay, thanks!

By the way, have you been busy lately?

Not too bad, I don't have many classes this week.

That's nice.

Yeah, I can rest a bit.

I won't disturb you then, enjoy your coffee!

Sure, let's have coffee together next time!

Okay, see you!

Bye!

Let's do another one. Let's say we meet in an elevator.

Okay, I'm ready.

I walked into the elevator first.

Then I walked into the elevator too.

Morning!

Morning! You're up early today.

Yeah, I have something to do today so I need to leave early.

I see. How's the weather outside?

Pretty good, not too cold, not too hot.

Then today should be quite comfortable.

Yeah. What's your plan for today?

I have classes in the morning, nothing in the afternoon.

Then you can rest in the afternoon.

Yeah, I plan to go back and take a nap.

Haha, that sounds nice. The elevator's here. I'll get going. See you!

Okay, bye!

Haha, you learn fast. Last one, let's say we meet a colleague at work.

Okay, let's start.

Leo, morning!

Morning, Xiaoyue!

You look great today.

Thanks! I just bought it yesterday.

The color suits you well.

Really? I like it too.

By the way, want to have lunch together?

Sure, what do you want to eat?

A new noodle shop opened downstairs, want to try it?

Sure, I'm free at lunch.

See you at twelve then?

Okay, see you at twelve.

Okay, I'll get back to work.

Okay, see you!

Great! Looks like you've completely mastered small talk!

So small talk in China is pretty similar to the UK!

Right? It's just finding a topic and chatting a bit.

Making everyone feel relaxed.

Exactly.

I used to worry about not knowing how to chat in China, now I feel much more relaxed.

Haha, you'll be fine!

I plan to try making small talk with people around me on the subway today.

Go for it! Alright, we talked a lot today.