时间观念

Leo, don't sit down yet.

What's wrong?

I want to read you a few messages.

Whose messages?

Yours.

Mine?

Tuesday before last, twelve minutes past three in the afternoon, you sent three words. On my way.

And then?

You walked through that door at three forty-one.

There was some traffic that day.

Last Thursday I asked whether that thing was ready, and you said you'd send it in a bit.

I remember sending it.

You sent it on Sunday night.

Okay, that was a little slow.

One more. June the tenth, you said you'd take me out to eat some other day.

What's wrong with that one?

Today is the twenty-first of August.

So you're settling scores with me.

I'm not settling scores. I'm showing you something.

Showing me what?

When you said those three things, you thought you were giving me a time.

Wasn't I?

No. There isn't one exact time in any of them.

Mashang, yihuir, gaitian.

Right. Chinese people say those three dozens of times a day.

But I was copying the way Chinese people talk.

You learn fast. The problem is you only learned half of it.

Which half?

You learned how to say it. You never learned how to hear it.

Hear what?

How long someone actually means when they say mashang.

You can hear that?

You can. It's the most useful skill there is for living in China.

More useful than reading characters?

Getting a character wrong is a joke. Getting a time wrong offends people.

Let me give you the big frame first.

Go ahead.

China runs on two kinds of time.

Two kinds?

One hard, one soft.

What's the hard one?

High-speed trains, flights, exams, clocking in at work, meetings. Those times are hard as stone.

That one I know. The train really does leave without you.

One minute late and it's gone. Inside that system, Chinese people are more punctual than a lot of countries.

And the soft one?

Meals, seeing friends, someone saying they'll drop something off, someone saying they'll sort something out for you.

Those really are soft.

Soft as dough. You can push it into any shape you like.

I always thought Chinese people were casual about time.

Not casual. It depends on the situation.

So my problem is that I mixed the two up.

You're too loose where it's hard, and too tight where it's soft.

What does too tight mean?

A friend says dinner at six, and you're standing at the door at six on the dot. That's too tight.

Aren't you supposed to be on time?

You are. But first you have to know what that six o'clock actually means.

Let's start with the word you hear most.

Mashang.

How long do you think mashang is?

Taken literally the horse is already running, so it should be fast.

Mashang means I have already started, inside my head.

Started in your head.

Right. Not necessarily with your body.

So how many minutes is it?

It depends on who's saying it.

Can you give me a rough number?

When a friend says mashang dao, it's usually fifteen to thirty minutes.

That long?

Because a lot of people send that message before they've left the house.

Not on the way?

Still looking for their keys.

So the twenty-nine minutes I waited last time was normal.

Completely normal. You should think he was rather quick.

What about when a waiter says mashang?

That one is much shorter. Around five minutes.

Why the difference?

Because he's standing right in front of you. He doesn't dare stretch it.

I get it. It depends on how far away the person is.

Remember that sentence. It's worth more than a dictionary.

Next word. Yihuir.

Yihuir is longer than mashang, and blurrier than mashang.

How long?

Ten minutes at the short end, a whole afternoon at the long end.

A whole afternoon still counts as yihuir?

If it's something he doesn't want to do, it can stretch a long way.

So how do I tell them apart?

Listen for whether an action follows it.

What do you mean?

Yihuir I'll call you — that one is real. Yihuir let's talk about it later — that one means no.

So yihuir zai shuo ba means it isn't happening.

A lot of the time, yes.

What about dengyixia?

Dengyixia is the most honest one of the group.

Really just a moment?

Really just a moment. Usually a few dozen seconds to two or three minutes.

Because the person saying it is standing right there.

Exactly. You've got it.

There's one more word that scares me. Kuaile.

Kuaile is the dangerous one.

Why?

Because when someone says kuaile, the thing often hasn't started.

Hasn't started?

At the very least it isn't half done. Someone who's half done says chabuduo le.

How much is chabuduo le?

Seventy or eighty percent.

And what percent is kuaile?

Twenty percent. Possibly zero.

That word is terrifying.

So when you hear kuaile, you ask one more question.

Ask what?

This is the most useful sentence I'm going to teach you today.

Go on.

Where are you right now?

That's it?

That's it.

Why is that one so powerful?

Because nobody has the nerve to invent a place name.

You can say any time you like, but not any place.

Nobody can check a time. But he knows exactly where he is.

And once I've heard the place?

You do the maths yourself. He says he's still at home, so you know it's at least half an hour.

He says he's downstairs, so that's a real mashang.

Right. You've traded a blurry word for something you can actually count.

I can use that today.

There's a politer version. Where are you, I'll come and meet you.

That sounds like you're looking after him.

And he has to answer you.

Now the second group of words. These fool you even more easily than the first.

Gaitian.

Gaitian, youkong, xiaci, zhao ge shijian.

I hear those every single day.

Those words look like an invitation. They aren't one.

Then what are they?

They're a nice thing to say.

Like the English one, we should get together sometime.

Exactly the same. The person means it, but it isn't a plan.

So how do I tell the real ones?

Look for a date.

That simple?

That simple. Without a date it isn't a plan.

Dinner some other day. No date. Doesn't count.

Let's have lunch together on Saturday. There's a date. That counts.

Then what about all the gaitians I've already agreed to?

Nobody is waiting on them, and you don't owe anybody anything.

But there are people I genuinely do want to eat with.

Then you have to learn how to turn the fake one into a real one.

Turn it how?

Add one line on the spot. Then let's set a time.

Set it right there?

Right there. Are you free this Saturday, or how about Wednesday evening next week.

Isn't that a bit pushy?

Not at all. In China, the person who sets the time is the reliable one.

Kaopu.

That's high praise. Calling someone kaopu is better than calling them clever.

And what if they start dodging?

Then you have your answer.

That's an answer too.

Let's run through how to arrange a time. You'll use all of this every day.

Okay.

First, how to ask.

Jidian?

Too short. It comes out a little blunt.

So what should I say?

Women jidian jian, or ni jidian fangbian.

Ni jidian fangbian. That one is useful.

Now the answer. Chinese people name the part of the day first.

Morning, midday, afternoon, evening.

Right. That first, then the hour.

Three in the afternoon.

If you aren't certain, add two characters on the end.

Which two?

Zuoyou.

Around three.

San dian zuoyou, dagai san dian, san dian duo. Those are all soft.

San dian zheng is the hard one.

Right. If you want the other person on time, say san dian zheng.

Are there other hard ways to say it?

Bujianbusan.

I've heard that one on television.

You hear it less now, but the meaning is clear. I will wait until you get here.

And how do I change the time?

Moving it earlier is tiqian. Moving it later is tuichi.

Move it up to two, push it back to four.

Moving the whole thing to another day is gaiqi. Not going at all is quxiao.

There are two words I can never keep apart. Zhunshi and anshi.

Zhunshi is that exact moment. Anshi is according to the rules.

Can you give me an example?

Zhunshi dao. Anshi chi yao.

Anshi sounds like somebody is keeping an eye on you.

That's exactly right.

Now let's talk about being late.

This is the part I need most.

A principle first. Being late isn't the biggest problem.

Then what is?

Leaving someone sitting there with no idea where you are. That's the problem.

So you tell them early.