来都来了

Xiao Yue, four words almost kept me from making it back down the mountain today.

What four words could be that powerful?

Lái dōu lái le — we're already here.

Haha, you've finally run into one of China's classic lines.

I didn't just run into it. It pushed me through another 20,000 steps.

Start from the beginning. What happened?

A friend invited me hiking, but it suddenly started raining halfway up.

Then you should have found somewhere to shelter from the rain.

That's what I thought, but he said, We're already here. Let's keep going.

And you kept climbing?

Yeah. Then the rain got heavier and I wanted to turn back again.

Did he say lái dōu lái le one more time?

Exactly, and everyone else nodded too.

Once those four words came out, it felt like whoever turned back first had lost.

Exactly! I could have gone down by myself, but I felt awkward doing it.

So did you make it to the top in the end?

We did, but the top was covered in fog. We couldn't see a thing.

So you climbed all that way to see a white world.

My friend even said, At least we made it here.

That's a very comforting way to put it.

Xiao Yue, what does lái dōu lái le actually mean?

The literal meaning is simple: you're already here.

But it clearly isn't only talking about a place.

Right. It often means that since you've already spent the time or energy, you might as well do a little more.

Like Since we're already here in English?

Very close. It also has the feeling of We might as well.

So basically, we're already in this situation, so let's carry on.

Exactly right.

It sounds reasonable, so why does it also feel a little dangerous?

Because sometimes it encourages you, but sometimes it makes you do something irrational.

Let's start with the good side.

Say you take a two-hour bus ride to a small town.

Then you arrive and find out the weather isn't great.

Your friend might say, We're already here. Let's look around nearby.

That's better than getting straight back on the bus and going home.

Right. It helps everyone let go of the disappointment and find something fun to do.

So it has a kind of positive energy.

Exactly. Things aren't perfect, but we can still enjoy the moment.

How is that different from what happened on my hike?

The key question is whether continuing is dangerous.

Walking in light rain is fine, but when it gets too heavy, you should turn back.

Right. Lái dōu lái le can never be more important than safety.

I should have listened to your show halfway up the mountain.

First put your phone away. Looking at it in the rain is even more dangerous.

Got it. Safety first, Chinese second.

You finally have the order right.

Besides travel, when else do people say lái dōu lái le?

It's especially common when you're waiting in line.

Like waiting forty minutes for one cup of milk tea?

Exactly. After twenty minutes you want to leave, and your friend might say, We're already here.

But what if there are still a hundred people ahead of us?

Then it depends how badly you want the drink and how much time you have.

I used to think, I've already waited twenty minutes. Leaving now would be such a waste.

Lots of people think that way.

There's a name for this in psychology, right?

Yes. It's called the sunk cost.

That's a little advanced. Can you explain it?

It's time, money, or energy you've already spent and can't get back.

Like the twenty minutes I've already spent in line.

Exactly. Those twenty minutes are gone. Whether you stay or leave, you can't get them back.

So when I decide whether to continue, I shouldn't only look at what I've already put in.

You should also look at how much more time it will take and whether the result is worth it.

That sounds very rational.

But when you're actually there, it isn't always easy to stay that calm.

Especially when your friend keeps saying lái dōu lái le beside you.

Haha. The phrase makes everything you've already put in feel especially important.

So how can I answer without upsetting my friend?

You can say, We are already here, but waiting another hour isn't worth it.

Agree with the first half, then give my reason.

Right. You could also say, Let's go somewhere else. Don't spend all our time in line.

That isn't a flat no. It gives everyone another option.

It sounds natural and makes the idea easier to accept.

What if my friend still doesn't want to leave?

Then you can split up and meet again after they get the drink.

So going out together doesn't mean we have to do everything together.

Of course not. Being close doesn't mean making every choice the same way.

Speaking of spending money, it happened to me again yesterday.

What did you buy this time?

I went to the mall for one shirt. At checkout, the saleswoman said the second was half price.

And you were tempted?

I said I only needed one, and she said, Since you're already here, try on a few more.

The saleswoman really knew how to use that phrase.

I tried on five and ended up buying three.

Wait. If the second was half price, how did you end up with three?

Because the third one was a really nice color.

So did you save any money?

I planned to spend 300 yuan, but I ended up spending 700.

You didn't save money. You spent an extra 400 yuan.

But the receipt says I saved 150.

Stores tell you how much you saved, but they don't remind you how much you spent in total.

So when I see a discount, I should still ask whether I actually need it.

Exactly. Cheap doesn't automatically mean worth buying.

So lái dōu lái le is especially dangerous when you're shopping.

Not always. If you really like it and it stays within your budget, you can buy it.

The point isn't that I can never buy it. The point is that I make the decision myself.

Exactly. Don't let one phrase make decisions for your wallet.

My wallet is going to thank you after this episode.

Let's hope it can still make it to the end of the month.

People say lái dōu lái le in restaurants too.

Of course, especially at a famous restaurant.

A friend might say, We're already here. Let's order a few signature dishes.

That's actually reasonable. Everyone can try them together.

But what if we can't finish everything?

Order a little less at first. You can always add more.

But some people think that if they only come once, they have to order every famous dish.

Maybe they're afraid of missing out, or maybe they want photos.

If the menu has ten signature dishes, do we need ten people?

Or you could come five times and order two each time.

That plan is a little kinder to your stomach.

And to your wallet.

What if people keep pushing me to eat?

You can say, I really can't eat any more. Let's not waste it.

Can I say I'm on a diet?

You can, but someone might say, Start dieting after this meal.

There's another dangerous sentence.

That's why the clearest answer is still, I'm already full.

Does lái dōu lái le often come together with Try some?

Very often. We're already here. Just try one bite.

If it's just an ordinary food I've never had, I'd be willing to try it.

Then the phrase is encouraging you to experience something new.

But what if I'm allergic to something?

Then you have to refuse directly. You can't take a risk just for the mood.

It seems this phrase has to pass the safety test every time.

Safety, health, and your own boundaries are all more important than saving face.

What do you mean by boundaries?

They are the limits of what you're willing to do and what you aren't willing to do.

For example, I might go to a bar with friends, but I don't want to drink.

Right. You can join the activity and still keep your own choice.

What if someone says, We're already here. Have a drink?

You can say, I came to see my friends, not to drink.

That's very clear, and it doesn't criticize anyone else.

You can also order juice or tea and chat with everyone just the same.

In Britain, people say Just one drink too.

So this kind of pressure isn't unique to China.

Right. It's just that lái dōu lái le sounds so natural that it's hard to refuse.

Because it assumes that continuing is the most reasonable choice.

If I refuse, it feels like I'm not being a team player.

It can feel that way, but real friends should respect you.

Does that mean anyone who says it is trying to pressure someone?

Not necessarily. A lot of the time people just say it casually, with no bad intention.

So I need to look at the tone and how serious the situation is.

Exactly. Walking five more minutes in a park is totally different from taking a risky hike.

One bite of cake is also different from drinking alcohol when you don't want to.

Right. You can be relaxed about small things, but serious decisions need real thought.

When do you say lái dōu lái le most often?

I'm most likely to say it when I'm traveling.

Like when you see a very long flight of stairs?

Exactly. I think, We're already here. Let's go up and see.

Don't you ever regret it?