搭子

Xiao Yue, you just said on the phone you're having dinner with your "meal buddy" tonight. Who's this meal buddy? Is it your boyfriend?

Haha, no, no. A meal buddy is just a friend you specifically eat with — it has nothing to do with dating.

A friend you specifically eat with? Isn't a friend just a friend? Why split out a "for eating" kind?

That's a really good question. Today let's talk about a word that's super popular right now — dāzi, an activity buddy.

Dāzi? I think I've seen this word online, but I never really got what it means.

No worries. After today's episode, you'll be able to find a whole bunch of dāzi around you.

A whole bunch? So from what you're saying, there's more than one kind of dāzi?

Right, there are tons of kinds. Don't rush — we'll go through them one by one.

Okay, let's start with the basics. What exactly does dāzi mean?

Simply put, a dāzi is a partner you come together with for one specific thing.

For one specific thing? Can you give me an example?

Like, say I want hotpot at noon, but eating alone is no fun, so I grab a coworker to go with me — he's my hotpot buddy.

Oh, I kind of get it. It's a partner you find on the spot just to do one particular thing?

Pretty much, but not necessarily on the spot — you can do it regularly too. It's just that you're mainly together for that one thing.

So how is this different from a "friend"? To me, it still sounds like a friend.

That's the key point. A dāzi is a bit lighter than a friend, but a bit closer than a stranger.

Lighter than a friend, closer than a stranger... that balance is kind of hard to pin down.

Let me put it another way. With a friend you talk about everything; with a dāzi you just do that one thing together.

Oh, so with a meal buddy, you just eat together and don't necessarily get into anything else?

Yes, exactly. My meal buddy and I barely contact each other apart from eating.

No contact? Doesn't that feel a little strange? In the UK, friends always check in on each other now and then.

With dāzi, no contact is the normal thing. When mealtime comes, you text "going?" and off you go.

So how did you meet this meal buddy of yours?

It's kind of funny — she lives right above my dessert shop and comes to buy bread every day at noon.

Haha, so you were "customer and shop owner" first, and then became meal buddies?

Right. Later we found out we have really similar taste in food, so we just started having lunch together.

That's a heartwarming story. So a dāzi really can be right next to you.

Yeah, a lot of dāzi just develop naturally like that, before you even notice.

Haha, that's so low-effort. So besides a meal buddy, what other kinds are there?

So many. Think about it — whatever you do every day, there's basically a matching dāzi for it.

Let me think... I drink coffee every day, so is there a coffee buddy?

Exactly! Coffee buddy, milk tea buddy — you order a cup together in the afternoon, and that's it.

And I go to the gym every weekend — could I have a gym buddy too?

Yep, gym buddies are super common. The two of you keep each other in check, so neither can slack off.

I love that. Working out alone, I usually give up after two days.

That's exactly why you need a dāzi. With someone alongside you, it's much easier to keep going.

What about studying? I'm learning Chinese now — could I find a study buddy too?

Of course. Study buddies read together, memorize vocab together, and cheer each other on.

That would be so useful for me. Studying alone at home, I start to nod off partway through.

Haha, then you really should find one. There are also travel buddies, which are super popular now.

Travel buddy? Just someone you go traveling with?

Right. Traveling alone is a bit lonely; you want company but don't want to ask a really close friend, so you find a travel buddy.

Why not ask a close friend? Isn't traveling together more fun?

Believe it or not, the closer the friend, the easier it is to fight while traveling.

Huh? Why is that?

Because you're so close, you'll say anything. One wants to sleep in, the other wants an early start, and soon you're squabbling.

Haha, I get that. When my sister Sophie and I go out, we often argue over exactly these little things.

Right? So a travel buddy is actually more relaxing. Everyone's polite, does their own thing, and pays their own way.

"Everyone pays their own way" — how do you say that in Chinese?

We usually say "AA" — it means everyone pays their own share, and nobody takes advantage of anybody.

AA — got it, I'll remember that. So between dāzi, it's basically always AA?

Yes, it's one of the unspoken rules of dāzi. Keep the money clear, and the relationship lasts.

Unspoken rule? That phrase sounds a bit mysterious.

An unspoken rule is a rule no one says out loud, but everyone understands in their heart.

I see. So are there other unspoken rules for dāzi?

Yes — for example, don't pry too much into the other person's private life.

Not prying into private matters — is there a word behind that, called "a sense of boundaries"?

Hey, you actually know the term "sense of boundaries"! Exactly — dāzi care a lot about boundaries.

A sense of boundaries — does it mean knowing what you should ask and what you shouldn't?

Right. A sense of boundaries means keeping "you" and "me" clear, not crossing the line casually, and leaving the other person space.

In the UK, we value personal space a lot too — is it kind of similar?

Very similar! Personal space is physical distance; a sense of boundaries is more about emotional distance.

Emotional distance — I like that phrasing. So if the boundaries are strong, is the relationship actually more comfortable?

Yes. A dāzi with a good sense of boundaries is the most relaxing to be around.

Not prying into private matters? But if you don't talk about personal stuff, how do you become good friends?

Haha, that's the key — a dāzi isn't trying to become a close friend in the first place.

Wait, you mean from the start everyone agrees we won't get deeply close?

You could put it that way. Everyone has their own life; together you just do that one thing well, and afterward everyone goes home their own way.

Everyone goes their own way... that feeling is really different from friends in the UK.

How is it different? Tell me.

In the UK, we also separate friends and acquaintances, but we don't split it this finely.

Acquaintances — is that the kind of people you know but aren't that close with?

Right, a nodding acquaintance. But we wouldn't give a special name to "the person you eat with."

That's the fun part of Chinese — young people are dividing relationships into finer and finer categories.

Then I have a question: what's the difference between a dāzi and a "coworker"? Don't coworkers also do things together?

Good question. Coworkers are assigned by the company — you don't necessarily like them; a dāzi is someone you choose yourself.

Oh, so a dāzi is someone I pick myself, and coworkers are assigned to me.

Right, though coworkers can become dāzi too. Like if you always sit together at lunch, you slowly become meal buddies.

I see, the relationship can level up. So can a dāzi level up into a real close friend?

Of course. Some dāzi, as you spend time together, find you really click, and turn into close friends.

Then that's like a "bonus surprise" of having a dāzi.

Haha, you could say that, but most dāzi just stay at the dāzi level.

Could there be a situation where one person wants to get close and the other doesn't?

Sure, and that's when it gets a little awkward.

Awkward — is that the feeling of "not knowing what to do, a bit embarrassed"?

Yes, awkward is that feeling of being both uneasy and uncomfortable.

So when that happens, what should you do?

It's actually simple — just go with the flow. If you click, spend more time together; if not, keep things as they are.

Go with the flow, don't force it — that brings us back to the sense of boundaries you mentioned.

See, you're already drawing connections on your own.

Staying at the dāzi level sounds a bit cold, but also kind of comfortable.

Your read is spot on. The upside is the low burden — you don't have to put much effort into maintaining it.

Maintaining — does that mean friends have to regularly care for and contact each other?

Yes. A real close friendship has to be nurtured with care — greetings on holidays, company when they're down.

Put that way, making a close friend is actually pretty tiring.

It is a bit tiring, but also precious. A dāzi is that just-right distance.

That just-right distance — I really like that phrase. So do young people today all prefer dāzi more?

More and more of them. Everyone's busy with work, life moves fast, and getting deeply close takes too much time.

So a dāzi is a choice for when you want company but don't want too much hassle?

You nailed that summary! You want company but you're wary of hassle, and a dāzi solves exactly that.