01小悦 Leo，wǒ我gěi给nǐ你liǎng两gè个xuǎn选zé择 ，nǐ你zhǐ只néng能tiāo挑yī一gè个 。Leo, I'm giving you two options, and you can only pick one.
02Leohǎo好 ，nǐ你shuō说 。Okay, go ahead.
03小悦dì第yī一gè个 ，míng明nián年de的jīn今tiān天 ，nǐ你shǒu手lǐ里yǒu有yī一zhāng张zhèng证shū书 ，shàng上miàn面xiě写zhe着nǐ你de的zhōng中wén文shì是wǔ五jí级 。Option one. A year from today, you're holding a certificate that says your Chinese is level five.
04Leotīng听qǐ起lái来bù不cuò错 。That sounds pretty good.
05小悦dì第èr二gè个 ，míng明nián年de的jīn今tiān天 ，nǐ你nǎi奶nǎi奶zài在diàn电huà话lǐ里shuō说de的měi每yī一jù句huà话 ，nǐ你dōu都tīng听de得dǒng懂 。Option two. A year from today, you understand every single thing your grandma says on the phone.
06Leozhè这liǎng两gè个wǒ我dōu都yào要 。I want both.
07小悦bù不xíng行 ，zhǐ只néng能xuǎn选yī一gè个 。Nope. Only one.
08Leowèi为shén什me么zhǐ只néng能xuǎn选yī一gè个 ？wǒ我yòu又bù不shì是méi没yǒu有shí时jiān间 。Why only one? It's not like I don't have time.
09小悦yīn因wèi为nǐ你jīn今nián年de的shí时jiān间jiù就nà那me么duō多 。nǐ你xuǎn选le了yī一gè个 ，lìng另yī一gè个jiù就děi得wǎng往hòu后pái排 。Because you only have so much time this year. Pick one, and the other one goes to the back of the line.
11小悦bié别xiǎng想tài太jiǔ久 ，sān三miǎo秒 。Don't overthink it. Three seconds.
12Leonǎi奶nǎi奶 。wǒ我xuǎn选nǎi奶nǎi奶 。Grandma. I pick Grandma.
13小悦hǎo好 。nà那wǒ我wèn问nǐ你yī一jiàn件shì事 。Good. Now let me ask you something.
15小悦zuó昨tiān天wǎn晚shàng上shí十yī一diǎn点 ，nǐ你zài在qún群lǐ里wèn问le了shén什me么 ？Last night at eleven, what did you ask in the group chat?
16Leowǒ我wèn问 ……bào报míng名shén什me么shí时hòu候jié截zhǐ止 。I asked... when registration closes.
17小悦bào报shén什me么míng名 ？Registration for what?
18Leo HSK wǔ五jí级 。HSK level five.
19小悦suǒ所yǐ以nǐ你zuǐ嘴shàng上xuǎn选nǎi奶nǎi奶 ，shǒu手yǐ已jīng经diǎn点kāi开bào报míng名yè页miàn面le了 。So your mouth picks Grandma, but your hand already opened the sign-up page.
20Leonǐ你bié别zhè这yàng样shuō说 ，wǒ我xīn心lǐ里hěn很luàn乱 。Don't put it like that. My head's a mess.
21小悦wǒ我zhī知dào道 。jīn今tiān天zhè这yī一qī期 ，jiù就shì是gěi给xīn心lǐ里luàn乱de的rén人tīng听de的 。I know. Today's episode is for people whose heads are a mess.
22Leonà那nǐ你zhí直jiē接gào告sù诉wǒ我 ，wǒ我dào到dǐ底gāi该bù不gāi该kǎo考 ？Then just tell me. Should I take it or not?
23小悦wǒ我bù不gěi给nǐ你dá答àn案 。wǒ我gěi给nǐ你yī一bǎ把chǐ尺zi子 ，nǐ你zì自jǐ己liáng量 。I'm not giving you an answer. I'm giving you a ruler. You measure it yourself.
24小悦xiān先shuō说shuō说 ，nǐ你wèi为shén什me么xiǎng想kǎo考 ？First, tell me why you want to take it.
25Leowǒ我xiǎng想xiǎng想 。dì第yī一 ，wǒ我shēn身biān边de的rén人dōu都zài在kǎo考 。Let me think. One, everyone around me is taking it.
26小悦ń嗯 ，zhè这suàn算yī一gè个 。dì第èr二ne呢 ？Mm, that's one. What's two?
27Leodì第èr二 ，jiǎn简lì历shàng上xiě写yī一xíng行wǔ五jí级 ，kàn看qǐ起lái来bǐ比jiào较xiàng像yàng样 。Two, a line on my resume that says level five looks respectable.
28小悦xiàng像yàng样 。zhè这gè个cí词nǐ你yòng用de得hǎo好 。dì第sān三 ？Respectable. Nice word choice. And three?
29Leodì第sān三 ，wǒ我xué学le了sān三nián年le了 ，wǒ我xiǎng想zhī知dào道zì自jǐ己dào到dǐ底xué学dào到nǎ哪ér儿le了 。Three, I've been studying for three years and I want to know where I actually am.
30小悦zhè这sān三gè个lǐ理yóu由lǐ里 ，zhǐ只yǒu有yī一gè个shì是zhēn真de的 。Out of those three reasons, only one is real.
31Leonǎ哪yī一gè个 ？Which one?
33Leodì第sān三gè个ba吧 ？The third one?
34小悦bù不shì是 。zhēn真de的nà那gè个 ，nǐ你hái还méi没shuō说chū出lái来 。No. The real one, you haven't said out loud yet.
35Leohái还yǒu有 ？There's another one?
36小悦nǐ你xiǎng想yào要yǒu有gè个rén人gào告sù诉nǐ你 ，nǐ你kě可yǐ以le了 。You want someone to tell you that you're good enough.
37Leonǐ你zěn怎me么zhī知dào道 ？How do you know that?
38小悦nǐ你xué学le了sān三nián年 ，méi没yǒu有rén人gěi给nǐ你dǎ打guò过fēn分 。nǐ你xīn心lǐ里méi没dǐ底 。You've studied for three years and nobody has ever given you a grade. You've got no ground under your feet.
39Leoxīn心lǐ里méi没dǐ底 ，shì是shén什me么yì意sī思 ？No ground under your feet — what does that mean?
40小悦jiù就shì是nǐ你zì自jǐ己yě也bù不què确dìng定zì自jǐ己xíng行bù不xíng行 。xiàng像zǒu走yè夜lù路 ，jiǎo脚xià下yǒu有lù路 ，dàn但shì是nǐ你kàn看bù不jiàn见 。It means you're not sure yourself whether you can do it. Like walking at night. There's a road under you, but you can't see it.
41Leozhè这gè个cí词wǒ我jì记zhù住le了 ，xīn心lǐ里méi没dǐ底 。duì对 ，wǒ我jiù就shì是xīn心lǐ里méi没dǐ底 。I'm keeping that phrase. No ground under my feet. Yeah, that's exactly me.
42小悦nà那wǒ我men们jīn今tiān天jiù就bǎ把zhè这jiàn件shì事shuō说qīng清chǔ楚 。zhè这zhāng张zhǐ纸dào到dǐ底néng能bù不néng能gěi给nǐ你dǐ底qì气 。Then let's settle it today. Can this piece of paper actually give you that ground?
43Leowǒ我jué觉de得néng能ba吧 ？I think it can?
44小悦xiān先bié别jí急zhe着huí回dá答 ，liáo聊wán完nǐ你zài再dá答wǒ我yī一cì次 。Don't answer yet. Answer me again when we're done.
45小悦xiān先shuō说zuì最jī基chǔ础de的 ，zhè这gè个kǎo考shì试shì是shén什me么 。Let's start with the basics. What is this test?
46Leohàn汉yǔ语shuǐ水píng平kǎo考shì试 。The Chinese proficiency test.
47小悦duì对 ，guó国jiā家bàn办de的 ，yī一gòng共liù六gè个jí级bié别 。Right. Run by the state, six levels total.
48Leoyī一dào到liù六 ，liù六shì是zuì最gāo高de的 ？One to six, and six is the highest?
49小悦duì对 。yī一èr二jí级shì是rù入mén门 ，sān三sì四jí级zài在zhōng中jiān间 ，wǔ五liù六jí级wǎng往shàng上zǒu走 。Yes. One and two are beginner, three and four are the middle, five and six go up from there.
50Leonà那wǔ五jí级dà大gài概shì是shén什me么shuǐ水píng平 ？So what does level five roughly mean?
51小悦guān官fāng方de的shuō说fǎ法shì是 ，néng能kàn看zhōng中wén文bào报zhǐ纸 ，néng能kàn看zhōng中wén文diàn电yǐng影 ，néng能zuò做bǐ比jiào较wán完zhěng整de的yǎn演jiǎng讲 。Officially, it means you can read Chinese newspapers, watch Chinese films, and give a fairly complete speech.
52Leotīng听qǐ起lái来hěn很lì厉hài害 。That sounds impressive.
53小悦tīng听qǐ起lái来 。nà那nǐ你zài再tīng听wǒ我shuō说yī一jù句huà话 。Sounds. Now listen to one more thing.
55小悦zhè这gè个kǎo考shì试cóng从tóu头dào到wěi尾 ，bù不xū需yào要nǐ你kāi开kǒu口shuō说yī一gè个zì字 。From start to finish, this test never asks you to say a single word out loud.
56Leoděng等yī一xià下 ，HSK bù不kǎo考kǒu口yǔ语 ？Wait. The HSK doesn't test speaking?
57小悦bù不kǎo考 。kǒu口yǔ语shì是lìng另wài外yī一gè个kǎo考shì试 ，yào要dān单dú独bào报míng名 。It doesn't. Speaking is a separate test with a separate registration.
58Leonà那hěn很duō多rén人shǒu手lǐ里de的wǔ五jí级zhèng证shū书 ，kǎo考de的shí时hòu候yī一jù句huà话dōu都méi没shuō说guò过 ？So a lot of people holding a level five certificate never said one sentence during the test?
59小悦yī一jù句dōu都méi没yǒu有 。Not one.
60Leozhè这gè个wǒ我zhēn真de的bù不zhī知dào道 。I genuinely didn't know that.
61小悦suǒ所yǐ以nǐ你kàn看 ，zhè这zhāng张zhǐ纸cè测de的shì是tīng听 、dú读 、xiě写 ，tā它méi没yǒu有piàn骗nǐ你 。shì是wǒ我men们zì自jǐ己zài在xīn心lǐ里gěi给tā它jiā加le了yī一tiáo条tā它méi没xiě写guò过de的huà话 。So look. This paper measures listening, reading and writing. It never lied to you. We're the ones who added a line it never wrote.
62Leonà那nǐ你gào告sù诉wǒ我 ，HSK sān三jí级 、sì四jí级 、wǔ五jí级 ，dào到dǐ底chà差zài在nǎ哪ér儿 ？Then tell me, what's the actual difference between HSK three, four and five?
63小悦guān官fāng方huì会gěi给nǐ你yī一gè个shù数zì字 ，shuō说sān三jí级yī一qiān千èr二bǎi百gè个cí词 ，sì四jí级liǎng两qiān千wǔ五 ，wǔ五jí级wǔ五qiān千 。Officially you get numbers. Level three is 1,200 words, level four is 2,500, level five is 5,000.
64Leonà那tīng听qǐ起lái来zhǐ只shì是cí词duō多cí词shǎo少 。That sounds like it's just more words or fewer words.
65小悦shù数zì字méi没shén什me么yòng用 。wǒ我gěi给nǐ你huàn换yī一zhǒng种shuō说fǎ法 ，yòng用nǐ你néng能zuò做de的shì事lái来shuō说 。Numbers aren't very useful. Let me put it another way, in terms of what you can do.
66Leohǎo好 ，nǐ你shuō说 。Okay, go.
67小悦sān三jí级 ，nǐ你néng能zài在zhōng中guó国huó活xià下qù去 。diǎn点cài菜 、wèn问lù路 、mǎi买dōng东xī西 、gēn跟fáng房dōng东shuō说shuǐ水guǎn管huài坏le了 。Level three, you can survive in China. Order food, ask directions, buy things, tell your landlord the pipe is broken.
68Leozhè这xiē些wǒ我jī基běn本kě可yǐ以 。I can pretty much do those.
69小悦sì四jí级 ，nǐ你néng能gēn跟rén人liáo聊tiān天 ，dàn但shì是huà话tí题yī一shēn深 ，nǐ你jiù就diào掉xià下lái来 。Level four, you can chat with people, but the moment it gets deep, you fall off.
70Leozěn怎me么yàng样suàn算shēn深 ？What counts as deep?
71小悦liáo聊tiān天qì气 、liáo聊chī吃de的 、liáo聊zhōu周mò末 ，nǐ你dōu都méi没wèn问tí题 。liáo聊nǐ你de的gōng工zuò作dào到dǐ底zuò做shén什me么 ，liáo聊nǐ你wèi为shén什me么cóng从lún伦dūn敦huí回lái来 ，nǐ你jiù就kāi开shǐ始rào绕 。Weather, food, weekends, no problem. What your job actually involves, why you came back from London, that's where you start going in circles.
72Leo ……nǐ你shuō说de的jiù就shì是wǒ我 。...You're describing me.
73小悦wǔ五jí级 ，nǐ你néng能tīng听dǒng懂bié别rén人bù不wèi为nǐ你fàng放màn慢de的zhōng中wén文 。Level five, you understand Chinese that nobody is slowing down for you.
74Leobù不wèi为wǒ我fàng放màn慢 ？Not slowing down for me?
75小悦duì对 。liǎng两gè个zhōng中guó国rén人zài在nǐ你miàn面qián前liáo聊tiān天 ，tā他men们bù不zhào照gù顾nǐ你 ，nǐ你hái还gēn跟de得shàng上 。Right. Two Chinese people talking in front of you, not accommodating you at all, and you still keep up.
76Leonà那liù六jí级ne呢 ？And level six?
77小悦liù六jí级shì是nǐ你néng能tīng听dǒng懂huà话lǐ里de的huà话 。bié别rén人rào绕le了yī一gè个wān弯zi子shuō说chū出lái来de的yì意sī思 ，nǐ你néng能jiē接zhù住 。Level six is understanding what's behind the words. When someone says it the long way around, you catch it.
78Leonà那wǒ我dà大gài概zài在sān三jí级hé和sì四jí级zhōng中jiān间 。Then I'm somewhere between three and four.
79小悦nǐ你bǐ比zhè这gè个gāo高yī一diǎn点 ，dàn但shì是bù不dào到wǔ五jí级 。nǐ你de的wèn问tí题bù不shì是cí词bù不gòu够 。You're a bit above that, but not five. Your problem isn't that you don't have enough words.
80Leonà那shì是shén什me么bù不gòu够 ？Then what is it?
81小悦shì是nǐ你bù不gǎn敢zài在méi没yǒu有zhǔn准bèi备de的shí时hòu候kāi开kǒu口 。zhè这yī一tiáo条 ，kǎo考shì试cè测bù不chū出lái来 。You don't dare open your mouth unprepared. And that, the test can't measure.
82Leonà那zhè这zhāng张zhǐ纸 ，dào到dǐ底gěi给shuí谁kàn看 ？So who is this paper actually for?
83小悦hǎo好wèn问tí题 。wǒ我gěi给nǐ你shǔ数yī一shǔ数 ，zhēn真zhèng正huì会kàn看tā它de的rén人 。Good question. Let me count the people who actually look at it.
85小悦dì第yī一 ，zhōng中guó国de的dà大xué学 。nǐ你yào要lái来zhōng中guó国dú读shū书 ，zhāo招shēng生de的lǎo老shī师yào要kàn看 。One, Chinese universities. If you're coming to study, admissions will want it.
86Leozhè这gè个wǒ我dǒng懂 。That makes sense.
87小悦dì第èr二 ，jiǎng奖xué学jīn金 。zhèng政fǔ府de的 、xué学xiào校de的 ，dōu都yǒu有jí级bié别yào要qiú求 。Two, scholarships. Government ones, university ones, they all have level requirements.
88Leodì第sān三ne呢 ？What's three?
89小悦dì第sān三 ，qiān签zhèng证hé和gōng工zuò作 。yǒu有xiē些gōng工zuò作qiān签zhèng证 、yǒu有xiē些gōng公sī司de的gǎng岗wèi位 ，xiě写míng明le了yào要jǐ几jí级 。Three, visas and jobs. Some work visas and some company positions state a required level.
90Leohái还yǒu有ma吗 ？Anything else?
91小悦hái还yǒu有yǔ语yán言xué学xiào校fēn分bān班 ，hái还yǒu有shǎo少shù数jiāo教zhōng中wén文de的gǎng岗wèi位 。shǔ数wán完le了 。Language school placement, and a small number of Chinese-teaching jobs. That's the whole list.
92Leojiù就zhè这xiē些 ？That's it?
93小悦jiù就zhè这xiē些 。zhè这jǐ几lèi类rén人yǐ以wài外 ，méi没yǒu有rén人huì会wèn问nǐ你yào要zhè这zhāng张zhǐ纸 。That's it. Outside of those, nobody is ever going to ask you for this paper.
94Leoyě也duì对 。wǒ我zài在háng杭zhōu州diǎn点yī一wǎn碗miàn面 ，lǎo老bǎn板bù不huì会shuō说 ，xiān先shēng生qǐng请chū出shì示nín您de的zhèng证shū书 。True. When I order noodles in Hangzhou, the owner doesn't say, sir, please present your certificate.
95小悦suǒ所yǐ以dì第yī一bù步hěn很jiǎn简dān单 。nǐ你xiān先kàn看kàn看 ，nǐ你zài在bù不zài在zhè这jǐ几lèi类rén人lǐ里miàn面 。So step one is simple. Check whether you're in any of those groups.
96Leowǒ我bù不zài在 。wǒ我bù不shēn申qǐng请xué学xiào校 ，bù不bàn办qiān签zhèng证 ，wǒ我de的gōng工zuò作yě也bù不kàn看zhè这gè个 。I'm not. I'm not applying to school, not getting a visa, and my job doesn't care.
97小悦nà那nǐ你yǐ已jīng经zhī知dào道bàn半gè个dá答àn案le了 。Then you already have half your answer.
98Leolìng另wài外bàn半gè个ne呢 ？What's the other half?
99小悦lìng另wài外bàn半gè个gēn跟kǎo考shì试méi没guān关xì系 ，gēn跟nǐ你yǒu有guān关xì系 。The other half has nothing to do with the test. It has to do with you.
100小悦wǒ我bǎ把rén人fēn分chéng成liǎng两zhǒng种 ，nǐ你zì自jǐ己duì对hào号rù入zuò座 。I'll split people into two groups. You figure out which one you're in.
102小悦gāi该kǎo考de的 ，sì四zhǒng种rén人 。dì第yī一zhǒng种 ，gāng刚cái才shuō说de的 ，xué学xiào校 、jiǎng奖xué学jīn金 、qiān签zhèng证 、gōng公sī司yào要 。Four kinds of people should take it. First, the ones we just said. School, scholarship, visa, employer.
103Leozhè这shì是yìng硬yào要qiú求 ，méi没de得xuǎn选 。That's a hard requirement. No choice there.
104小悦dì第èr二zhǒng种 ，nǐ你xū需yào要yī一gè个rì日zi子 。Second, you need a date.
105Leoshén什me么rì日zi子 ？What date?
106小悦jié截zhǐ止rì日qī期 。yǒu有xiē些rén人bù不dìng定rì日zi子jiù就bù不xué学 ，yī一tiān天tuō拖yī一tiān天 。bào报le了míng名 ，jiāo交le了qián钱 ，rì日zi子bǎi摆zài在nà那ér儿 ，nǐ你jiù就dòng动le了 。A deadline. Some people won't study without one, just one more day, one more day. Once you've registered and paid, the date is sitting there, and you move.
107Leozhè这gè个wǒ我dǒng懂 。wǒ我jiāo教xué学shēng生yě也yī一yàng样 ，bù不dào到kǎo考shì试qián前yī一gè个yuè月 ，tā他men们yī一yè页shū书dōu都bù不fān翻 。I know that one. Same with my students. Until a month before the exam, they don't open a single page.
108小悦dì第sān三zhǒng种 ，nǐ你jiù就shì是xǐ喜huān欢yǒu有tái台jiē阶 。yǒu有de的rén人xué学dōng东xī西bì必xū须kàn看de得jiàn见tái台jiē阶 ，yī一jí级yī一jí级wǎng往shàng上zǒu走 ，xīn心lǐ里cái才tà踏shí实 。Third, you just like having steps. Some people need to see the steps, climbing one level at a time, to feel settled.
109Leodì第sì四zhǒng种ne呢 ？And the fourth?
110小悦dì第sì四zhǒng种 ，nǐ你xū需yào要yī一fèn份bié别rén人rèn认de的zhèng证míng明 。zhǎo找gōng工zuò作 、gěi给bà爸mā妈kàn看 、gěi给zì自jǐ己yī一gè个jiāo交dài代 ，dōu都suàn算 。Fourth, you need proof that other people recognize. A job, showing your parents, settling something with yourself, all of it counts.
111Leonà那bù不gāi该kǎo考de的ne呢 ？And who shouldn't take it?
112小悦sān三zhǒng种 。dì第yī一 ，nǐ你zhǐ只xiǎng想gēn跟jiā家lǐ里rén人 、gēn跟péng朋yǒu友shuō说huà话 。Three kinds. First, you only want to talk to your family and your friends.
113Leonǐ你děng等yī一xià下 。Hold on.
114小悦dì第èr二 ，nǐ你zhǐ只xiǎng想zài在zhōng中guó国shēng生huó活de得shū舒fú服yī一diǎn点 。diǎn点cài菜 、kàn看bìng病 、gēn跟lín邻jū居liáo聊liǎng两jù句 。Second, you only want life in China to feel easier. Ordering food, seeing a doctor, chatting with a neighbor.
115Leonǐ你bié别shuō说le了 。Stop.
116小悦dì第sān三 ，nǐ你kǎo考 ，shì是wèi为le了zhèng证míng明gěi给bié别rén人kàn看 ，nǐ你bù不bèn笨 。Third, you're taking it to prove to other people that you're not stupid.
117Leoxiǎo小yuè悦 。Xiao Yue.
119Leonǐ你zhè这sān三tiáo条 ，shuō说de的dōu都shì是wǒ我 。All three of those are me.
120小悦wǒ我zhī知dào道 。I know.
121Leonà那nǐ你zǎo早jiù就zhī知dào道wǒ我bù不gāi该kǎo考 ，wèi为shén什me么bù不zhí直jiē接shuō说 ？So you knew all along I shouldn't take it. Why not just say so?
122小悦yīn因wèi为zhí直jiē接shuō说méi没yǒu有yòng用 。rén人zài在xīn心lǐ里méi没dǐ底de的shí时hòu候 ，dōu都huì会xiǎng想zhuā抓yī一zhāng张zhǐ纸 。Because saying it straight doesn't work. When people have no ground under them, they reach for a piece of paper.
123Leonà那wǒ我zhuā抓dào到le了huì会zěn怎me么yàng样 ？And what happens once I grab it?
124小悦wǒ我gěi给nǐ你jiǎng讲jiǎng讲zhuā抓dào到yǐ以hòu后de的shì事 。Let me tell you what happens after you grab it.
125小悦wǒ我xiān先shuō说yī一gè个cí词 ，má麻fán烦 。Here's a word first. Trouble.
126Leozhè这gè个wǒ我rèn认shí识 。I know that one.
127小悦hǎo好 ，xiàn现zài在yòng用tā它zào造gè个jù句 ，shuō说yī一jiàn件nǐ你zhè这gè个xīng星qī期zhēn真de的yù遇dào到de的má麻fán烦shì事 。Good. Now make a sentence with it. Tell me about actual trouble you ran into this week.
128Leoè呃 ……wǒ我zhè这gè个xīng星qī期 ……Uh... this week I...
129小悦sān三miǎo秒guò过qù去le了 。Three seconds, gone.
130Leoděng等yī一xià下 ，wǒ我zhī知dào道zhè这gè个cí词 ，wǒ我zhēn真de的zhī知dào道 。Hold on, I know this word. I really do.
131小悦nǐ你zhī知dào道 。kě可shì是nǐ你yào要yòng用de的shí时hòu候 ，tā它bù不chū出lái来 。You do. But when you need it, it doesn't come out.
132Leowèi为shén什me么huì会zhè这yàng样 ？wǒ我míng明míng明rèn认shí识tā它 。Why does that happen? I clearly know it.
133小悦yīn因wèi为rèn认shí识hé和yòng用de得chū出lái来 ，shì是liǎng两jiàn件shì事 ，zhōng中jiān间gé隔de得hěn很yuǎn远 。Because knowing a word and getting it out are two different things, and they're far apart.
134Leoyǒu有duō多yuǎn远 ？How far?
135小悦rèn认shí识tā它 ，shì是tā它lái来zhǎo找nǐ你 ，nǐ你diǎn点gè个tóu头 。yòng用tā它 ，shì是nǐ你qù去zhǎo找tā它 ，hái还yào要zài在yī一miǎo秒zhōng钟zhī之nèi内zhǎo找dào到 。Knowing it means it comes to you and you nod. Using it means you go find it, and you have one second to do it.
136Leozhè这gè个shuō说fǎ法tài太zhǔn准le了 。That's painfully accurate.
137小悦kǎo考shì试kǎo考de的shì是dì第yī一jiàn件shì事 ，shēng生huó活yào要de的shì是dì第èr二jiàn件shì事 。The test measures the first one. Life wants the second one.
138Leosuǒ所yǐ以wǒ我zuò做tí题hěn很hǎo好 ，shuō说huà话hěn很chà差 。So I'm good at questions and bad at talking.
139小悦hái还yǒu有gèng更jù具tǐ体de的 。kǎo考shì试gěi给nǐ你jǐ几gè个xuǎn选xiàng项 ？It gets more specific. How many options does a test give you?
141小悦shēng生huó活gěi给nǐ你jǐ几gè个 ？How many does life give you?
142Leoyī一gè个yě也méi没yǒu有 。None.
143小悦duì对 。kǎo考shì试shì是cóng从sì四gè个lǐ里miàn面tiāo挑yī一gè个 ，shēng生huó活shì是cóng从kōng空qì气lǐ里biàn变chū出yī一gè个 。Right. A test is picking one out of four. Life is pulling one out of thin air.
144Leonà那tīng听lì力ne呢 ？wǒ我tīng听lì力yī一zhí直bù不cuò错 。What about listening? My listening has always been decent.
145小悦kǎo考shì试de的tīng听lì力 ，shì是biāo标zhǔn准pǔ普tōng通huà话 ，yǔ语sù速gù固dìng定 ，méi没yǒu有bèi背jǐng景shēng声yīn音 ，shuō说wán完hái还tíng停xià下lái来děng等nǐ你 。Test listening is standard Mandarin at a fixed speed, no background noise, and it pauses to wait for you.
146Leozhēn真rén人bù不shì是zhè这yàng样de的 。Real people aren't like that.
147小悦zhēn真rén人yǒu有kǒu口yīn音 ，huì会qiǎng抢huà话 ，shuō说dào到yī一bàn半gǎi改kǒu口 ，páng旁biān边hái还yǒu有rén人zài在chǎo炒cài菜 、zài在hǎn喊hào号 。Real people have accents, talk over you, change direction mid-sentence, and there's someone frying food and calling numbers right next to them.
148Leoér而qiě且tā他men们bù不huì会děng等wǒ我 。And they don't wait for me.
149小悦tā他men们bù不huì会děng等nǐ你 。zhè这jiù就shì是wǒ我men们shàng上cì次liáo聊guò过de的nà那gè个wèn问tí题 。They don't wait for you. That's the same thing we talked about last time.
150Leotīng听bù不dǒng懂zhēn真rén人nà那yī一qī期 。The episode about not understanding real people.
151小悦yuè阅dú读yě也yī一yàng样 。yuè阅dú读gěi给nǐ你shí时jiān间 ，nǐ你kě可yǐ以huí回tóu头zài再kàn看yī一biàn遍 。Reading is the same. Reading gives you time. You can go back and read it again.
152Leoshuō说huà话méi没yǒu有dì第èr二biàn遍 。Talking has no second pass.
153小悦shuō说huà话méi没yǒu有dì第èr二biàn遍 。suǒ所yǐ以yǒu有yī一jù句huà话 ，shuō说de得nán难tīng听 ，dàn但shì是shì是zhēn真de的 。Talking has no second pass. Which brings me to something harsh but true.
155小悦hěn很duō多rén人ná拿dào到zhèng证shū书nà那yī一tiān天 ，jiù就shì是tā他zhōng中wén文de的zuì最gāo高diǎn点 。For a lot of people, the day they get the certificate is the peak of their Chinese.
156Leozuì最gāo高diǎn点 ？The peak?
157小悦yīn因wèi为nà那tiān天yǐ以hòu后 ，tā他jiù就bù不yòng用le了 。Because after that day, they stop using it.
158Leozhè这jù句yǒu有diǎn点hěn狠 。That's brutal.
159小悦wǒ我zài再gěi给nǐ你yī一gè个bǐ比yù喻 ，nǐ你gèng更róng容yì易dǒng懂 。kǎo考jià驾zhào照 。Here's a comparison that'll land better. Getting a driver's license.
160Leokē科mù目yī一 。The written test.
161小悦kē科mù目yī一kǎo考yī一bǎi百fēn分de的rén人 ，dì第yī一cì次kāi开shàng上gāo高jià架 ，shǒu手hái还shì是dǒu抖de的 。Someone who scored a hundred on the written test still has shaky hands the first time they merge onto the highway.
162Leoyīn因wèi为lù路shàng上de的chē车bù不huì会àn按zhào照tí题mù目zǒu走 。Because the cars out there don't follow the question format.
163小悦lù路shàng上de的chē车bù不àn按tí题mù目zǒu走 。nǐ你de的zhōng中wén文yě也yī一yàng样 ，zhēn真zhèng正de的lù路shàng上méi没yǒu有biāo标zhǔn准dá答àn案 。The cars don't follow the question format. Same with your Chinese. Out on the real road there's no answer key.
164Leonà那bèi备kǎo考de的shí时hòu候dà大jiā家dōu都zài在shuā刷tí题 ，shuā刷tí题yǒu有yòng用ma吗 ？So when people prep, everyone grinds practice tests. Does that work?
165小悦xiān先jiě解shì释yī一xià下shuā刷tí题 。jiù就shì是yī一tào套yī一tào套de地zuò做zhēn真tí题 、zuò做mó模nǐ拟tí题 ，zuò做dào到kàn看jiàn见tí题mù目jiù就zhī知dào道dá答àn案 。Let me explain grinding first. It's doing set after set of past papers and mock tests until you see a question and already know the answer.
166Leowǒ我men们nà那biān边jiào叫tí题hǎi海 。We call that drowning in questions.
167小悦chà差bù不duō多 。shuā刷tí题dāng当rán然yǒu有yòng用 ，tā它ràng让nǐ你shú熟xī悉tí题xíng型 ，néng能tí提fēn分 。Close enough. Grinding does work. It makes you familiar with the format and raises your score.
169小悦dàn但shì是tā它tí提de的shì是fēn分 ，bù不shì是zhōng中wén文 。But what it raises is the score, not the Chinese.
170Leozhè这liǎng两gè个bù不yī一yàng样ma吗 ？Aren't those the same thing?
171小悦wǒ我wèn问nǐ你 ，cí词biǎo表shì是àn按shén什me么pái排de的 ？Let me ask you. What is the word list ordered by?
172Leoàn按 ……nán难dù度 ？By... difficulty?
173小悦àn按kǎo考shì试lǐ里chū出xiàn现de的cì次shù数 ，bù不shì是àn按nǐ你shēng生huó活lǐ里yòng用dào到de的cì次shù数 。By how often words appear in the test, not how often you use them in your life.
174Leozhè这liǎng两gè个chà差hěn很duō多ma吗 ？Is there a big gap between those?
175小悦wǒ我gěi给nǐ你jǐ几gè个cí词 。wài外mài卖 、sǎo扫mǎ码 、pīn拼dān单 、bāo包yóu邮 、tuì退kuǎn款 、jiā加gè个wēi微xìn信 。Here are some words. Food delivery, scan the code, group order, free shipping, refund, add me on WeChat.
176Leozhè这xiē些wǒ我tiān天tiān天yòng用 。I use those every day.
177小悦zhè这xiē些cí词hěn很duō多dōu都bù不zài在cí词biǎo表lǐ里 。fǎn反guò过lái来 ，cí词biǎo表lǐ里yǒu有xiē些cí词 ，nǐ你kě可néng能yī一nián年yě也yòng用bù不shàng上yī一cì次 。A lot of those aren't on the list. And some words on the list, you might not use once in a year.
178Leonà那wǒ我bèi背tā它gàn干shén什me么 ？Then why am I memorizing them?
179小悦wèi为le了kǎo考shì试 。zhè这huà话bù不shì是zài在biǎn贬dī低tā它 ，kǎo考shì试yǒu有kǎo考shì试de的dào道lǐ理 ，tā它yào要bǎo保zhèng证gōng公píng平 ，hái还yào要chū出de得liǎo了tí题 。For the test. That's not me putting it down. A test has its own logic. It has to stay fair, and it has to be able to produce questions.
180Leowǒ我míng明bái白le了 ，cí词biǎo表bù不shì是shēng生huó活qīng清dān单 。I get it. The word list isn't a life list.
181小悦hái还yǒu有yī一gè个cí词nǐ你yào要xué学 ，lín临shí时bào抱fú佛jiǎo脚 。Here's another phrase for you. Hugging the Buddha's feet at the last minute.
182Leobào抱fú佛jiǎo脚 ？bào抱zhe着fú佛de的jiǎo脚 ？Hugging Buddha's feet? Literally holding his feet?
183小悦zì字miàn面shàng上shì是zhè这yàng样 。yì意sī思shì是píng平shí时bù不nǔ努lì力 ，kǎo考shì试qián前jǐ几tiān天cái才pīn拼mìng命bǔ补 。Literally, yes. It means you slack off the whole time, then cram like crazy a few days before the exam.
184Leozhè这gè个huà画miàn面gǎn感hěn很qiáng强 。wǒ我de的xué学shēng生tiān天tiān天bào抱fú佛jiǎo脚 。Great image. My students do that constantly.
185小悦bào抱fú佛jiǎo脚néng能ràng让nǐ你guò过 ，kě可shì是guò过wán完liǎng两gè个xīng星qī期 ，nà那xiē些cí词huì会yī一gè个yī一gè个cóng从nǐ你nǎo脑zi子lǐ里zǒu走diào掉 。Cramming can get you a pass, but two weeks later those words walk out of your head one by one.
186Leoyīn因wèi为méi没yòng用guò过 。Because they were never used.
187小悦yīn因wèi为méi没yòng用guò过 。xué学guò过bù不děng等yú于huì会 ，huì会le了bù不yòng用yě也huì会diào掉 。Because they were never used. Studied isn't learned, and learned without use falls away too.
188Leoxiǎo小yuè悦 ，wǒ我xiàn现zài在yǒu有diǎn点hú糊tú涂le了 。Xiao Yue, now I'm confused.
189小悦zěn怎me么le了 ？About what?
190Leonǐ你shuō说le了bàn半tiān天 ，hǎo好xiàng像zhè这gè个kǎo考shì试yī一diǎn点yòng用dōu都méi没yǒu有 。nà那nǐ你wèi为shén什me么bù不zhí直jiē接jiào叫wǒ我bié别kǎo考 ？You've been talking this whole time like the test is worthless. So why not just tell me not to take it?
191小悦yīn因wèi为tā它yǒu有yòng用 ，ér而qiě且yòng用chù处bù不xiǎo小 。wǒ我pà怕nǐ你zhǐ只tīng听dào到qián前bàn半duàn段 。Because it is useful, and not a little. I just don't want you to only hear the first half.
192Leonà那nǐ你shuō说shuō说hòu后bàn半duàn段 。Then give me the second half.
193小悦tā它yǒu有sān三gè个zhēn真de的hǎo好chù处 。dì第yī一 ，tā它gěi给nǐ你yī一gè个shùn顺xù序 。It has three real benefits. First, it gives you an order.
194Leoshùn顺xù序 ？An order?
195小悦hěn很duō多rén人xué学zhōng中wén文zuì最dà大de的wèn问tí题bù不shì是bù不nǔ努lì力 ，shì是bù不zhī知dào道xià下yī一bù步gāi该xué学shén什me么 。cí词biǎo表zhì至shǎo少gào告sù诉nǐ你 ，xiān先xué学zhè这yī一qiān千gè个 ，zài再xué学xià下yī一qiān千gè个 。For a lot of learners the biggest problem isn't effort, it's not knowing what to study next. The word list at least tells you, learn these thousand, then the next thousand.
196Leozhè这dào倒shì是 。wǒ我zì自jǐ己zhǎo找cái材liào料de的shí时hòu候 ，jīng经cháng常zhè这lǐ里xué学yī一diǎn点 ，nà那lǐ里xué学yī一diǎn点 。Fair. When I pick my own material, I grab a bit here and a bit there.
197小悦dì第èr二 ，tā它gěi给nǐ你yī一gè个rì日zi子 。gāng刚cái才shuō说guò过le了 ，rén人shì是bèi被rì日zi子tuī推zhe着zǒu走de的 。Second, it gives you a date. Like I said, people get pushed along by dates.
198Leodì第sān三ne呢 ？And third?
199小悦dì第sān三 ，tā它ràng让nǐ你kàn看de得jiàn见zì自jǐ己de的jìn进bù步 。Third, it lets you see your own progress.
200Leozhè这gè个zuì最zhòng重yào要ba吧 ？That's the big one, isn't it?
201小悦duì对wǒ我lái来shuō说 ，zhè这yī一tiáo条zuì最zhòng重yào要 。xué学yǔ语yán言zuì最nán难shòu受de的bù不shì是nán难 ，shì是kàn看bù不jiàn见 。For me, that's the most important one. The hardest part of learning a language isn't the difficulty, it's that you can't see it.
202Leokàn看bù不jiàn见 ？Can't see it?
203小悦nǐ你jīn今tiān天xué学 ，míng明tiān天xué学 ，xué学le了sān三gè个yuè月 ，gǎn感jué觉gēn跟sān三gè个yuè月qián前yī一mú模yī一yàng样 。méi没yǒu有rén人gěi给nǐ你fā发jiǎng奖 ，méi没yǒu有rén人gēn跟nǐ你shuō说nǐ你biàn变hǎo好le了 。You study today, study tomorrow, three months go by, and it feels identical to three months ago. Nobody hands you a medal, nobody tells you you've gotten better.
204Leonà那zhǒng种gǎn感jué觉hěn很xiāo消hào耗rén人 。That wears you down.
205小悦xiàng像zài在wù雾lǐ里zǒu走lù路 。nǐ你bù不zhī知dào道zì自jǐ己zǒu走le了duō多yuǎn远 ，shèn甚zhì至bù不zhī知dào道yǒu有méi没yǒu有zài在wǎng往qián前zǒu走 。Like walking in fog. You don't know how far you've come, or even whether you're moving forward at all.
206Leozhèng证shū书zhì至shǎo少shì是yī一gè个jiǎo脚yìn印 。A certificate is at least one footprint.
207小悦zhèng证shū书zhì至shǎo少shì是yī一gè个jiǎo脚yìn印 。suǒ所yǐ以wǒ我cóng从lái来méi没yǒu有shuō说guò过bié别kǎo考 。A certificate is at least one footprint. Which is why I never said don't take it.
208Leonà那nǐ你dào到dǐ底xiǎng想shuō说shén什me么 ？Then what are you actually saying?
209小悦chǐ尺zi子méi没yǒu有cuò错 。cuò错de的shì是bǎ把chǐ尺zi子dàng当chéng成lù路de的jǐn尽tóu头 。There's nothing wrong with the ruler. What's wrong is treating the ruler as the end of the road.
210Leochǐ尺zi子 ，hé和lù路 。The ruler, and the road.
211小悦chǐ尺zi子zhǐ只néng能gào告sù诉nǐ你zǒu走le了duō多yuǎn远 ，tā它bù不huì会gào告sù诉nǐ你yào要qù去nǎ哪ér儿 。A ruler can only tell you how far you've walked. It won't tell you where to go.
212Leonà那rú如guǒ果wǒ我hái还shì是yào要kǎo考ne呢 ？And if I still want to take it?
213小悦nà那wǒ我men们jiù就liáo聊liáo聊zěn怎me么kǎo考cái才bù不làng浪fèi费 。wǔ五tiáo条 。Then let's talk about how to take it without wasting it. Five rules.
214Leoděng等wǒ我ná拿bǐ笔 。Let me get a pen.
215小悦dì第yī一tiáo条 ，xiān先xiǎng想qīng清chǔ楚yòng用tú途 ，zài再dìng定jí级bié别 。One. Work out the purpose first, then pick the level.
216Leoshén什me么yì意sī思 ？Meaning?
217小悦nǐ你yào要qiān签zhèng证 ，jiù就qù去chá查qīng清chǔ楚rén人jiā家yào要jǐ几jí级 ，yào要jǐ几jí级jiù就kǎo考jǐ几jí级 。bié别rén人jiā家yào要sì四jí级 ，nǐ你fēi非yào要chōng冲liù六jí级 。If you need a visa, go find out exactly which level they want, and take that one. They ask for four and you insist on charging at six.
218Leowèi为shén什me么bù不néng能chōng冲gāo高yī一diǎn点 ？Why not aim higher?
219小悦yīn因wèi为gāo高chū出lái来de的nà那yī一jí级 ，nǐ你yào要duō多huā花bàn半nián年 。ér而nà那bàn半nián年 ，běn本lái来kě可yǐ以ná拿lái来shuō说huà话 。Because that extra level costs you another six months. And those six months could have been spent talking.
220Leomíng明bái白 。dì第èr二tiáo条 ？Got it. Rule two?
221小悦dì第èr二tiáo条nǐ你kě可néng能bù不ài爱tīng听 。wǎng往dī低le了kǎo考 。You might not like this one. Test lower.
222Leowǎng往dī低le了kǎo考 ？Test lower?
223小悦duì对 。kǎo考nǐ你yǐ已jīng经néng能yòng用de的nà那yī一jí级 ，bié别kǎo考nǐ你gāng刚bèi背wán完de的nà那yī一jí级 。Yes. Take the level you can already use, not the level you just finished memorizing.
224Leonà那bù不shì是hěn很chī吃kuī亏ma吗 ？Isn't that selling myself short?
225小悦nǐ你yào要de的shì是yī一zhāng张zhǐ纸 ，hái还shì是yī一zhāng张bù不xīn心xū虚de的zhǐ纸 ？Do you want a piece of paper, or a piece of paper you don't feel shaky about?
226Leo ……bù不xīn心xū虚de的zhǐ纸 。...The one I don't feel shaky about.
227小悦kǎo考gāng刚bèi背wán完de的nà那yī一jí级 ，nǐ你děi得kào靠yùn运qì气 ，kào靠méng蒙 。méng蒙duì对le了 ，zhèng证shū书shàng上xiě写zhe着wǔ五jí级 ，nǐ你xīn心lǐ里zhī知dào道nà那shì是sì四jí级bàn半 。Taking the level you just crammed means relying on luck and guessing. Guess right, and the certificate says five while you know it's four and a half.
228Leonà那zhǒng种gǎn感jué觉wǒ我dǒng懂 。lǐ里miàn面yǒu有shuǐ水fēn分 。I know that feeling. There's water in it.
229小悦zhè这gè个cí词nǐ你yòng用de得zhēn真hǎo好 ，yǒu有shuǐ水fēn分 。That's a great way to put it. Water in it.
230Leodì第sān三tiáo条 。Rule three.
231小悦dì第sān三tiáo条 ，bèi备kǎo考de的shí时hòu候 ，bǎ把yī一bàn半de的tīng听lì力huàn换chéng成zhēn真de的dōng东xī西 。Three. While you prep, swap half your listening for the real thing.
232Leozhēn真de的dōng东xī西shì是shén什me么 ？What's the real thing?
233小悦bō播kè客 、zhēn真rén人shuō说huà话de的shì视pín频 、gěi给péng朋yǒu友dǎ打diàn电huà话 。zhēn真tí题tīng听lì力yī一tiān天tīng听liǎng两tào套jiù就gòu够le了 。Podcasts, videos of actual people talking, phone calls with friends. Two sets of test audio a day is plenty.
234Leoyīn因wèi为zhēn真tí题tīng听lì力tài太gān干jìng净 。Because test audio is too clean.
235小悦tài太gān干jìng净 。nǐ你tiān天tiān天hē喝gān干jìng净de的shuǐ水 ，yī一hē喝dào到hé河lǐ里de的shuǐ水jiù就shòu受bù不liǎo了 。Too clean. Drink clean water every day, and the first sip of river water knocks you over.
236Leodì第sì四tiáo条 ？Rule four?
237小悦dì第sì四tiáo条 ，kǎo考wán完de的nà那sān三shí十tiān天 ，zuì最yào要mìng命 。Four. The thirty days after the exam are the dangerous part.
239小悦yīn因wèi为kǎo考wán完nǐ你yī一dìng定huì会xiē歇 。xiē歇yī一gè个yuè月 ，diào掉de的bǐ比nǐ你xiǎng想de的duō多 。Because you will rest afterward. Rest a month, and you lose more than you'd think.
240Leonà那zěn怎me么bàn办 ？So what do I do?
241小悦kǎo考wán完nà那yī一gè个xīng星qī期 ，mǎ马shàng上gěi给zì自jǐ己zhǎo找yī一jiàn件bì必xū须yòng用zhōng中wén文zuò做de的shì事 。shén什me么dōu都xíng行 ，qù去cài菜shì市chǎng场 ，qù去lǐ理fà发diàn店 ，jìn进yī一gè个zhōng中wén文de的xìng兴qù趣qún群 。That same week, find something you have to do in Chinese. Anything. The wet market, the barber, a hobby group chat in Chinese.
242Leoràng让tā它jiē接zhe着yòng用 。Keep it in use.
243小悦ràng让tā它jiē接zhe着yòng用 。dì第wǔ五tiáo条 ，zhè这yī一tiáo条shì是liú留gěi给nǐ你zì自jǐ己zuò做de的jiǎn检chá查 。Keep it in use. Rule five is a check you run on yourself.
244Leoshén什me么jiǎn检chá查 ？What check?
245小悦ná拿dào到chéng成jì绩dān单nà那tiān天 ，nǐ你yòng用nà那yī一jí级de的cí词 ，shuō说yī一jiàn件jīn今tiān天fā发shēng生de的shì事 ，shuō说sān三fēn分zhōng钟 。The day your score comes, use the words from that level to describe something that happened today. Three minutes.
246Leoshuō说bù不chū出lái来ne呢 ？And if I can't?
247小悦shuō说bù不chū出lái来 ，nà那jiù就shì是zhǐ纸miàn面shàng上de的jí级bié别 。zhè这lǐ里zài再sòng送nǐ你yī一gè个cí词 ，zhǐ纸shàng上tán谈bīng兵 。If you can't, it's a paper level. Here's another phrase for you. Fighting the war on paper.
248Leozhǐ纸shàng上tán谈bīng兵 ……zài在zhǐ纸shàng上dǎ打zhàng仗 ？Fighting on paper? Like a battle on paper?
249小悦duì对 。zài在zhǐ纸shàng上dǎ打zhàng仗 ，shuí谁dōu都huì会yíng赢 。zhēn真dào到le了dì地shàng上 ，lìng另shuō说 。Right. On paper, everyone wins. On actual ground, different story.
250Leoxiǎo小yuè悦 ，wǒ我hái还yǒu有yī一jiàn件shì事xiǎng想bù不míng明bái白 。Xiao Yue, there's still something I can't work out.
252Leowǒ我yī一kāi开shǐ始jiù就shuō说guò过 ，wǒ我xiǎng想zhī知dào道zì自jǐ己xué学dào到nǎ哪ér儿le了 。yào要shì是bù不kǎo考shì试 ，wǒ我zěn怎me么zhī知dào道 ？I said at the start that I want to know where I am. Without a test, how do I find out?
253小悦zhè这shì是jīn今tiān天zuì最hǎo好de的yī一gè个wèn问tí题 。wǒ我gěi给nǐ你sān三gè个zì自jǐ己zài在jiā家jiù就néng能zuò做de的cè测shì试 。That's the best question of the day. I'll give you three tests you can run at home.
255小悦dì第yī一gè个 ，zhǎo找yī一duàn段nǐ你méi没tīng听guò过de的zhōng中wén文 ，suí随biàn便shén什me么shì视pín频dōu都xíng行 ，bié别kàn看zì字mù幕 ，tīng听sān三fēn分zhōng钟 。First. Find some Chinese you've never heard, any video at all, no subtitles, three minutes.
257小悦rán然hòu后yòng用zhōng中wén文shuō说yī一shuō说nǐ你tīng听dào到le了shén什me么 。bù不shì是fān翻yì译 ，shì是fù复shù述 。Then say in Chinese what you heard. Not translate. Retell.
258Leoshuō说de得chū出lái来jiù就suàn算tīng听dǒng懂le了 。If it comes out, I understood it.
259小悦shuō说de得chū出lái来cái才suàn算tīng听dǒng懂le了 。dì第èr二gè个cè测shì试 ，shuō说yī一jiàn件fù复zá杂de的shì事 。Only if it comes out. Second test, describe something complicated.
260Leoshén什me么jiào叫fù复zá杂 ？What counts as complicated?
261小悦bù不shì是jīn今tiān天tiān天qì气hěn很hǎo好 。shì是nǐ你zuó昨tiān天wèi为shén什me么bù不gāo高xìng兴 ，qián前yīn因hòu后guǒ果shuō说qīng清chǔ楚 ，shuō说liǎng两fēn分zhōng钟 。Not the weather is nice today. Why you were upset yesterday, cause and effect, laid out clearly, for two minutes.
262Leozhè这gè个zhēn真de的nán难 。That's genuinely hard.
263小悦nán难zài在nǎ哪ér儿 ？Hard how?
264Leonán难zài在zhōng中jiān间yào要zhuǎn转wān弯 。yīn因wèi为 、suǒ所yǐ以 、kě可shì是 、hòu后lái来 ，zhè这xiē些dì地fāng方wǒ我huì会kǎ卡 。Hard because you have to turn corners. Because, so, but, and then. Those are where I stall.
265小悦duì对 ，zhè这jiù就shì是sì四jí级hé和wǔ五jí级zhōng中jiān间de的nà那dào道kǎn坎 。dì第sān三gè个cè测shì试zuì最hěn狠 。Exactly. That's the ridge between four and five. The third test is the cruel one.
267小悦zhǎo找gè个rén人gēn跟nǐ你shuō说huà话 ，ràng让tā他zhōng中jiān间dǎ打duàn断nǐ你yī一cì次 。Get someone to talk with you, and have them interrupt you once.
268Leodǎ打duàn断wǒ我 ？Interrupt me?
269小悦duì对 。nǐ你shuō说dào到yī一bàn半bèi被rén人chā插yī一jù句 ，nǐ你hái还néng能bù不néng能huí回dào到yuán原lái来nà那jù句huà话shàng上 。Yes. Someone cuts in halfway through, and can you get back to the sentence you were on?
270Leozhè这gè个wǒ我kěn肯dìng定bù不xíng行 。yī一bèi被dǎ打duàn断 ，wǒ我qián前miàn面shuō说dào到nǎ哪ér儿quán全wàng忘le了 。No chance. One interruption and I forget where I was.
271小悦nà那nǐ你jiù就zhī知dào道xià下gè个yuè月yào要liàn练shén什me么le了 。nǐ你kàn看 ，zhè这sān三gè个cè测shì试 ，yī一fēn分qián钱dōu都bù不yòng用huā花 。Then you know what to practice next month. And notice, these three tests cost nothing.
272Leoér而qiě且bù不yòng用děng等kǎo考shì试de的rì日zi子 。And I don't have to wait for an exam date.
273小悦bù不yòng用děng等 。nǐ你jīn今tiān天wǎn晚shàng上jiù就néng能zuò做yī一biàn遍 。No waiting. You could run all three tonight.
274Leoxiǎo小yuè悦 ，wǒ我yào要gēn跟nǐ你shuō说yī一jiàn件yǒu有diǎn点diū丢rén人de的shì事 。Xiao Yue, I want to tell you something a little embarrassing.
276Leowǒ我shì是jiāo教yīng英yǔ语de的 ，wǒ我de的xué学shēng生yào要kǎo考yīng英yǔ语de的děng等jí级kǎo考shì试 。I teach English, and my students sit English proficiency exams.
278Leoyǒu有gè个nǚ女hái孩kǎo考de得hěn很hǎo好 ，fēn分shù数bǐ比shuí谁dōu都gāo高 。kě可shì是wǒ我dài带tā他men们qù去kā咖fēi啡diàn店 ，ràng让tā她zì自jǐ己diǎn点yī一bēi杯kā咖fēi啡 ，tā她duǒ躲dào到wǒ我hòu后miàn面 。One girl scored higher than anyone. But I took the class to a coffee shop, asked her to order her own coffee, and she hid behind me.
279小悦tā她shuō说bù不chū出lái来 ？She couldn't say it?
280Leotā她shuō说de得chū出lái来 。tā她zài在zhǐ纸shàng上shén什me么dōu都xiě写de得chū出lái来 。kě可shì是zhàn站zài在guì柜tái台qián前miàn面 ，tā她zhěng整gè个rén人shì是jiāng僵de的 。She could say it. On paper she could write anything. But standing at the counter, her whole body froze.
281小悦nà那shí时hòu候nǐ你xīn心lǐ里zěn怎me么xiǎng想 ？What were you thinking then?
282Leonà那shí时hòu候wǒ我xīn心lǐ里hái还xiào笑tā她 。wǒ我xiǎng想 ，fēn分shù数zhè这me么gāo高 ，zěn怎me么lián连yī一bēi杯kā咖fēi啡dōu都diǎn点bù不liǎo了 。Back then I was laughing at her inside. I thought, scores that high and you can't order a coffee?
283小悦xiàn现zài在ne呢 ？And now?
284Leoxiàn现zài在wǒ我zài在zuò做yī一mú模yī一yàng样de的shì事 。Now I'm doing the exact same thing.
285小悦bù不yī一yàng样 。nǐ你zhì至shǎo少xiàn现zài在kàn看jiàn见le了 。Not the same. At least you can see it now.
286Leoér而qiě且wǒ我fā发xiàn现 ，zhè这bù不shì是zhōng中guó国cái才yǒu有de的 。yīng英guó国nà那biān边kǎo考zhèng证de的rén人yě也yī一yàng样 ，yī一zhāng张yī一zhāng张de地kǎo考 ，kǎo考wán完hái还shì是bù不gǎn敢kāi开kǒu口 。And I've realized this isn't a China thing. People back in Britain collect certificates the same way, one after another, and still won't open their mouths.
287小悦yīn因wèi为zhǐ纸shì是kě可yǐ以zǎn攒de的 ，dǎn胆zi子bù不néng能zǎn攒 。Because paper can be collected. Nerve can't.
288Leodǎn胆zi子bù不néng能zǎn攒 。zhè这jù句wǒ我yào要xiě写xià下lái来 。Nerve can't be collected. I'm writing that one down.
289小悦nà那wǒ我yě也gēn跟nǐ你shuō说yī一jiàn件wǒ我zì自jǐ己de的shì事 。zhè这jiàn件shì事wǒ我hěn很shǎo少shuō说 。Then let me tell you something of mine. I don't tell this one often.
291小悦wǒ我dà大xué学de的shí时hòu候 ，kǎo考guò过yīng英yǔ语de的sì四jí级 。In university I took the English proficiency exam.
292Leoguò过le了ma吗 ？Did you pass?
293小悦guò过le了 ，fēn分shù数hái还bù不dī低 。zhèng证shū书fā发xià下lái来nà那tiān天 ，wǒ我pāi拍le了zhào照piàn片fā发gěi给wǒ我mā妈 。I passed, with a decent score. The day the certificate came, I photographed it and sent it to my mom.
294Leorán然hòu后ne呢 ？And then?
295小悦rán然hòu后nà那zhāng张zhèng证shū书jiù就yī一zhí直zài在chōu抽tì屉lǐ里 ，yā压zài在zuì最xià下miàn面 。And then it sat in a drawer, at the very bottom of the pile.
296Leoyī一zhí直dào到xiàn现zài在 ？Until now?
297小悦yī一zhí直dào到xiàn现zài在 。wǒ我diàn店kāi开qǐ起lái来de的dì第èr二nián年 ，yǒu有yī一tiān天xià下wǔ午 ，jìn进lái来yī一gè个wài外guó国kè客rén人 。Until now. The second year my shop was open, one afternoon, a foreign customer walked in.
298Leotā他yào要mǎi买dàn蛋gāo糕 ？He wanted cake?
299小悦tā他zhàn站zài在guì柜tái台qián前miàn面 ，zhǐ指zhe着yī一gè个dàn蛋gāo糕 ，wèn问le了wǒ我yī一jù句huà话 。He stood at the counter, pointed at a cake, and asked me something.
300Leoshén什me么huà话 ？Asked what?
301小悦wǒ我dào到jīn今tiān天dōu都bù不zhī知dào道tā他wèn问de的shì是shén什me么 。To this day I don't know what he asked.
302Leoyī一gè个zì字dōu都méi没tīng听dǒng懂 ？You didn't catch one word?
303小悦yī一gè个zì字dōu都méi没tīng听dǒng懂 。wǒ我nǎo脑zi子lǐ里shì是kōng空de的 ，wǒ我zhǐ只huì会zhǐ指zhe着nà那gè个dàn蛋gāo糕 ，diǎn点tóu头 。Not one word. My head was empty. All I could do was point at the cake and nod.
304Leonà那tā他ne呢 ？And him?
305小悦tā他hěn很kè客qì气 ，xiào笑le了yī一xià下 ，mǎi买le了yī一kuài块 ，zǒu走le了 。mén门guān关shàng上yǐ以hòu后 ，wǒ我zài在guì柜tái台hòu后miàn面zhàn站le了hěn很jiǔ久 。He was polite. He smiled, bought a slice, and left. After the door closed I stood behind that counter for a long time.
306Leozhàn站zhe着gàn干shén什me么 ？Doing what?
307小悦xiǎng想nà那zhāng张zhèng证shū书 。wǒ我kǎo考guò过sì四jí级 ，wǒ我bèi背guò过hěn很duō多dān单cí词 。kě可shì是gāng刚cái才nà那sān三shí十miǎo秒 ，wǒ我yī一jù句huà话dōu都shuō说bù不chū出lái来 。Thinking about that certificate. I passed the exam. I'd memorized plenty of words. And in those thirty seconds, I couldn't produce one sentence.
308Leonà那zhǒng种ān安jìng静zuì最nán难shòu受 。That kind of silence is the worst.
309小悦nà那tiān天wǒ我míng明bái白le了yī一jiàn件shì事 。zhèng证shū书shì是gěi给bié别rén人kàn看de的 ，néng能lì力shì是gěi给zì自jǐ己yòng用de的 。That day I understood something. A certificate is for other people to look at. Ability is for you to use.
310Leohòu后lái来ne呢 ？What happened after?
311小悦hòu后lái来yǒu有gè个kè客rén人 ，měi每gè个xīng星qī期lái来liǎng两sān三cì次 。wǒ我gēn跟zì自jǐ己shuō说 ，měi每cì次tā他lái来 ，wǒ我shuō说sān三jù句yīng英wén文 。Later there was a regular who came two or three times a week. I told myself, every time he comes, I say three sentences in English.
312Leosān三jù句 ？jiù就sān三jù句 ？Three? Only three?
313小悦jiù就sān三jù句 。jīn今tiān天tiān天qì气hěn很hǎo好 ，nǐ你yào要bù不yào要shì试shì试xīn新de的nà那yī一kuǎn款 ，xià下cì次jiàn见 。shuō说cuò错yě也shuō说 ，shuō说wán完liǎn脸hóng红yě也shuō说 。Just three. Nice weather today. Do you want to try the new one. See you next time. Wrong or not, I said them. Red face or not, I said them.
314Leoshuō说le了duō多jiǔ久 ？For how long?
315小悦shuō说le了bàn半nián年 。Half a year.
316Leobàn半nián年yǐ以hòu后ne呢 ？And after that?
317小悦bàn半nián年yǐ以hòu后tā他yào要huí回guó国le了 ，zuì最hòu后yī一cì次lái来 ，wǒ我gēn跟tā他zhàn站zài在mén门kǒu口liáo聊le了shí十jǐ几fēn分zhōng钟 。After half a year he was moving home. On his last visit we stood in the doorway and talked for over ten minutes.
318Leoshí十jǐ几fēn分zhōng钟 。Over ten minutes.
319小悦shí十jǐ几fēn分zhōng钟 。nà那tiān天wǎn晚shàng上wǒ我huí回jiā家 ，bǎ把chōu抽tì屉dǎ打kāi开 ，kàn看le了yī一yǎn眼nà那zhāng张zhèng证shū书 。Over ten minutes. That night I went home, opened the drawer, and looked at that certificate.
320Leonǐ你zài在xiǎng想shén什me么 ？What were you thinking?
321小悦wǒ我zài在xiǎng想 ，zhè这zhāng张zhǐ纸méi没yǒu有piàn骗wǒ我 。tā它cè测de的dōng东xī西wǒ我què确shí实huì会 。shì是wǒ我zì自jǐ己yǐ以wéi为tā它guǎn管de的shì事 ，tā它cóng从lái来méi没guǎn管guò过 。I was thinking, this paper never lied to me. What it measured, I really could do. It was me who assumed it covered things it never covered.
322Leozhèng证shū书zài在chōu抽tì屉lǐ里 ，nà那bàn半nián年zài在nǐ你zuǐ嘴lǐ里 。The certificate was in the drawer. That half year was in your mouth.
323小悦duì对 。nǐ你zhè这jù句huà话shuō说de得bǐ比wǒ我hǎo好 。Yes. You said that better than I did.
324Leonà那wǒ我hái还yǒu有yī一gè个wèn问tí题 。Then I have one more question.
326Leowǒ我jīng经cháng常tīng听rén人shuō说 ，wǒ我shì是sān三jí级shuǐ水píng平 。zhè这jù句huà话yǒu有wèn问tí题ma吗 ？I often hear people say, I'm level three. Is there anything wrong with that?
327小悦yǒu有 ，ér而qiě且wèn问tí题bǐ比nǐ你xiǎng想de的dà大 。Yes, and it's a bigger problem than you'd think.
328Leoshén什me么wèn问tí题 ？What problem?
329小悦zhè这jù句huà话huì会biàn变chéng成yī一kuài块tiān天huā花bǎn板 。That sentence turns into a ceiling.
330Leotiān天huā花bǎn板 ，jiù就shì是tóu头dǐng顶shàng上nà那kuài块bǎn板 ？A ceiling? The thing above your head?
331小悦duì对 ，jiù就shì是nǐ你zì自jǐ己gěi给zì自jǐ己gài盖de的nà那yī一kuài块 。nǐ你shuō说wǒ我cái才sān三jí级 ，rán然hòu后yù遇dào到yī一gè个sì四jí级de的cí词 ，nǐ你dì第yī一gè个fǎn反yīng应shì是shén什me么 ？Right, the one you build over yourself. You say I'm only level three, then you meet a level four word, and your first reaction is what?
332Leozhè这gè个chāo超gāng纲le了 ，wǒ我bù不yòng用xué学 。That's beyond my level, I don't need it.
333小悦nǐ你kàn看 ，bǎn板zi子jiù就zài在nà那ér儿le了 。See? There's the ceiling.
334Leokě可shì是wǒ我de的shuǐ水píng平què确shí实jiù就zài在nà那ér儿 。But that really is where my level is.
335小悦bù不 。nǐ你de的shuǐ水píng平bù不shì是yī一tiáo条xiàn线 。No. Your level isn't a line.
336Leobù不shì是xiàn线shì是shén什me么 ？If not a line, then what?
337小悦wǒ我wèn问nǐ你 ，nǐ你zài在tián甜pǐn品diàn店diǎn点dān单 ，jǐ几jí级 ？Tell me. Ordering in a dessert shop, what level are you?
338Leozhè这gè个wǒ我shú熟 ，wǒ我tiān天tiān天lái来 。yīng应gāi该yǒu有wǔ五jí级ba吧 。That one I know cold, I'm here every day. Level five, probably.
339小悦nà那nǐ你qù去yī医yuàn院 ，gēn跟yī医shēng生shuō说nǐ你nǎ哪lǐ里bù不shū舒fú服 ，jǐ几jí级 ？And at the hospital, telling a doctor what hurts?
340Leo ……yī一jí级 。kě可néng能yī一jí级dōu都bù不dào到 。...Level one. Maybe not even one.
341小悦nà那gēn跟péng朋yǒu友tǔ吐cáo槽lǎo老bǎn板ne呢 ？And complaining about your boss with friends?
342Leotǔ吐cáo槽wǒ我hěn很xíng行 ，sì四jí级 。Complaining I'm good at. Level four.
343小悦suǒ所yǐ以nǐ你de的zhōng中wén文zhǎng长shén什me么yàng样 ？So what does your Chinese actually look like?
344Leogāo高yī一kuài块 ，dī低yī一kuài块 。High in places, low in others.
345小悦duì对 。měi每gè个rén人de的zhōng中wén文dōu都shì是yī一tiáo条jù锯chǐ齿xiàn线 ，bù不shì是yī一tiáo条shuǐ水píng平xiàn线 。Right. Everyone's Chinese is a jagged line, not a flat one.
346Leojù锯chǐ齿 。xiàng像jù锯zi子nà那yàng样 ，yī一shàng上yī一xià下 。Jagged. Like a saw, up and down.
347小悦yī一shàng上yī一xià下 。yǒu有yī一gè个cí词zhuān专mén门xíng形róng容zhè这gè个 ，cēn参cī差bù不qí齐 。Up and down. There's a word for exactly this. Uneven.
348Leocēn参cī差bù不qí齐 ……zhè这gè个cí词wǒ我jiàn见guò过 ，dàn但shì是bù不huì会yòng用 。Uneven... I've seen that word but never used it.
349小悦xiàn现zài在huì会le了 。nǐ你de的zhōng中wén文cēn参cī差bù不qí齐 ，wǒ我de的yīng英wén文yě也cēn参cī差bù不qí齐 ，suǒ所yǒu有rén人dōu都shì是 。Now you can. Your Chinese is uneven, my English is uneven, everyone's is.
350Leonà那bié别rén人wèn问wǒ我jǐ几jí级 ，wǒ我gāi该zěn怎me么huí回dá答 ？So when people ask my level, what should I say?
351小悦nǐ你kě可yǐ以shuō说 ，wǒ我zài在tián甜pǐn品diàn店lǐ里shì是wǔ五jí级 ，zài在yī医yuàn院lǐ里shì是yī一jí级 。You can say, I'm level five in a dessert shop and level one in a hospital.
352Leozhè这yàng样shuō说hěn很qí奇guài怪ba吧 ？That sounds strange, doesn't it?
353小悦qí奇guài怪 ，dàn但shì是zhǔn准què确 。ér而qiě且bǐ比yī一gè个shù数zì字yǒu有yòng用de得duō多 。Strange, but accurate. And far more useful than a number.
354Leowèi为shén什me么yǒu有yòng用 ？Why more useful?
355小悦yīn因wèi为tā它gào告sù诉nǐ你 ，xià下yī一bù步gāi该liàn练nǎ哪yī一kuài块 。shù数zì字bù不huì会gào告sù诉nǐ你zhè这gè个 。Because it tells you which piece to work on next. A number never tells you that.
356小悦hǎo好 ，wǒ我men们bǎ把jīn今tiān天de的huà话shōu收yī一shōu收 。Alright, let's pull today together.
357Leowǒ我jì记le了hěn很duō多 。I took a lot of notes.
358小悦dì第yī一 ，zhè这gè个kǎo考shì试cè测de的shì是tīng听 、dú读 、xiě写 ，tā它bù不cè测shuō说 。One. This test measures listening, reading and writing. It doesn't measure speaking.
359Leodì第èr二 ，zhēn真zhèng正huì会kàn看zhè这zhāng张zhǐ纸de的zhǐ只yǒu有nà那me么jǐ几lèi类rén人 ，nǐ你xiān先kàn看kàn看nǐ你zài在bù不zài在lǐ里miàn面 。Two. Only a few groups ever look at this paper. Check whether you're one of them.
360小悦dì第sān三 ，rèn认de得yī一gè个cí词hé和yòng用de得chū出lái来yī一gè个cí词 ，zhōng中jiān间gé隔zhe着hěn很yuǎn远 。Three. Recognizing a word and producing a word are far apart.
361Leodì第sì四 ，cí词biǎo表shì是àn按kǎo考shì试pái排de的 ，bù不shì是àn按shēng生huó活pái排de的 。Four. The word list is ordered by the test, not by life.
362小悦dì第wǔ五 ，tā它zhēn真zhèng正de的hǎo好chù处shì是gěi给nǐ你shùn顺xù序 、gěi给nǐ你rì日zi子 、ràng让nǐ你kàn看de得jiàn见jìn进bù步 。Five. Its real value is giving you an order, a date, and progress you can see.
363Leodì第liù六 ，yào要kǎo考jiù就kǎo考nǐ你yǐ已jīng经néng能yòng用de的nà那yī一jí级 ，bié别kǎo考gāng刚bèi背wán完de的nà那yī一jí级 。Six. If you take it, take the level you can already use, not the one you just memorized.
364小悦dì第qī七 ，bié别ràng让jí级bié别biàn变chéng成tiān天huā花bǎn板 。nǐ你de的zhōng中wén文shì是yī一tiáo条jù锯chǐ齿xiàn线 。Seven. Don't let a level become a ceiling. Your Chinese is a jagged line.
365Leoqī七tiáo条wǒ我dōu都jì记zhù住le了 。I've got all seven.
366小悦nà那wǒ我men们huí回dào到zuì最kāi开shǐ始nà那gè个wèn问tí题 。Now back to the question from the beginning.
367Leozhèng证shū书 ，hái还shì是nǎi奶nǎi奶 。The certificate, or Grandma.
368小悦xiàn现zài在xuǎn选 。Choose.
369Leonǎi奶nǎi奶 。zhè这cì次wǒ我shì是zhēn真de的xuǎn选nǎi奶nǎi奶 。Grandma. This time I really mean it.
370小悦nà那bào报míng名ne呢 ？And the registration?
371Leobào报míng名wǒ我hái还shì是yào要bào报 。I'm still going to register.
373Leodàn但shì是lǐ理yóu由huàn换le了 。wǒ我yǐ以qián前xiǎng想yào要yī一zhāng张zhǐ纸 ，xiàn现zài在wǒ我xiǎng想yào要yī一gè个rì日zi子 。But the reason changed. I used to want a piece of paper. Now I want a date.
374小悦zhè这gè个lǐ理yóu由wǒ我jiē接shòu受 。That reason I'll accept.
375Leoér而qiě且wǒ我jīn今tiān天xiǎng想dìng定yī一jiàn件jù具tǐ体de的shì事 。And I want to commit to something specific today.
377Leoxià下gè个xīng星qī期sān三wǎn晚shàng上 ，wǒ我gěi给wǒ我nǎi奶nǎi奶dǎ打diàn电huà话 。quán全chéng程zhōng中wén文 ，yī一gè个yīng英wén文dān单cí词dōu都bù不yòng用 ，liáo聊mǎn满shí十fēn分zhōng钟 。Next Wednesday evening, I'm calling my grandma. All Chinese, not one English word, ten full minutes.
378小悦shí十fēn分zhōng钟 ，bù不duǎn短 。Ten minutes isn't short.
379Leobù不duǎn短 。kě可shì是wǒ我yào要shì是zhēn真néng能liáo聊mǎn满shí十fēn分zhōng钟 ，nà那bǐ比yī一zhāng张wǔ五jí级zhèng证shū书ràng让wǒ我gāo高xìng兴 。Not short. But if I can really fill ten minutes, that beats a level five certificate.
380小悦nà那nǐ你dǎ打wán完le了 ，huí回lái来gào告sù诉wǒ我tā她shuō说le了shén什me么 。Then call me after, and tell me what she said.
381Leowǒ我yī一dìng定gào告sù诉nǐ你 。I will.
382小悦píng屏mù幕qián前de的nǐ你 ，yě也gěi给zì自jǐ己dìng定zhè这yàng样yī一jiàn件shì事 。bù不yòng用xiě写zài在xià下miàn面 ，yě也bù不yòng用gào告sù诉wǒ我men们 。And you, on the other side of the screen, set one of these for yourself. You don't have to write it below, or tell us.
383Leozuò做le了jiù就xíng行 。Just do it.
384小悦zuò做le了jiù就xíng行 。jīn今tiān天jiù就liáo聊dào到zhè这ér儿 。Just do it. That's it for today.
385Leoxià下qī期jiàn见 。See you next episode.
386小悦zhèng证shū书huì会fàng放jìn进chōu抽tì屉lǐ里 ，shuō说chū出qù去de的huà话 ，huì会liú留zài在bié别rén人xīn心lǐ里 。Certificates end up in drawers. The words you say out loud stay in other people's hearts.