婚礼

Hey everyone! Welcome to a new episode of Simply Natural Chinese! I'm Xiao Yue!

Hey everyone, I'm Leo!

Leo, you walked in frowning today. Did you run into some tricky problem again?

You caught me. I've got something in my hand right now. Take a look.

Wow, isn't this an invitation? It's red, with a gold "囍" character printed on it.

"囍"? I always thought it was two "喜" characters squeezed together. Is it a typo?

Haha, it's not a typo! This character is called "double happiness." It's used specifically for weddings, representing the joy of two families coming together.

So that's it! So this is a... wedding invitation?

Yes, this is called a "xitie" (wedding invitation), or you can call it a "qingjian." So who's getting married?

A colleague at my school. He's having his wedding next month and specially invited me.

That's great news! You should be happy. Why the gloomy face?

I am happy, but I have no idea what to do. I'm not even the groom, so why do I feel more nervous than him?

Haha, don't worry. Today let's have a proper lesson on "how to attend a Chinese wedding."

Perfect. Right now my head is full of question marks.

Then let's take it one at a time. What are you most worried about?

The money issue worries me most. I heard that going to "drink wedding wine" means you have to give money. Is that true?

Hold on, you just said "drink wedding wine." Looks like you've already picked up a phrase.

My colleague told me. He said, "Come drink wedding wine!" But I'm not going there to drink. Why say it that way?

Haha, "drink wedding wine" actually just means "attend a wedding." In China, going to someone's wedding is commonly phrased as "going to drink wedding wine."

Oh! So "wedding wine" isn't really a type of drink, but refers to the whole wedding banquet?

Right, the banquet held at a happy occasion is called "wedding wine." "Drinking wedding wine" is a very common expression.

Got it. So back to the money question — do you really have to give money?

Yes. This money even has a special name: "fenziqian" (cash gift money).

"Fenziqian"? I don't get what those three characters mean strung together.

You can think of it as "everyone chipping in a token of goodwill." Each relative and friend gives a little money to the newlyweds to show their blessing.

Oh, so it's a kind of gift, just that what you give is cash?

Exactly. We also often say "sui fenzi" or "sui li" — they all mean the same thing: giving money to the newlyweds.

How should I understand this character "sui"?

Here "sui" carries the sense of "chipping in along with everyone." Others all give, you give a share too — that's "sui fenzi."

I see. In the UK, we usually give physical gifts, like tableware or appliances. We rarely give money directly.

Right, that's a pretty big cultural difference. In China, giving money directly is actually more welcome.

Why is that? Doesn't giving money seem too... how do I put it, too blunt, too cold?

Haha, not at all. Weddings cost a lot, so when the couple gets cash, they can decide how to use it themselves. That's far more practical than getting a pile of stuff they can't use.

When you put it that way, it does make sense. So now the key question — exactly how much should I give?

Haha, I knew you'd ask that. It's also the most headache-inducing part.

Is there a fixed amount? Like a rule that everyone gives the same?

There's no fixed amount. It depends on how close you are to the couple.

The closer the relationship, the more you give?

Right. Ordinary colleagues and friends usually give a bit less; those who are especially close, or relatives, give more.

So for someone like me, just a regular colleague, roughly how much is appropriate?

In a city like Hangzhou, an ordinary colleague usually gives six hundred or eight hundred yuan; if you're a bit closer, maybe a thousand.

Wait, why six hundred or eight hundred, not five hundred or seven hundred?

Good question! This touches on an important custom — the number has to be "lucky."

What does "jili" mean?

"Jili" means "good luck, auspicious." When Chinese people give gifts, they really care about whether the number is a good one.

Oh, so six and eight are good numbers?

Right! "Six" stands for "smooth," as in "liuliu dashun" — everything goes smoothly. "Eight" sounds like "fa," as in "facai," getting rich.

Haha, so numbers hide all this meaning. Are there numbers you absolutely can't give?

Yes! The most taboo are numbers with "four," because "four" sounds like "death."

Ah, so four hundred and four thousand are both out?

Right, never give those. Also, the amount should ideally be an even number, not an odd one.

Even numbers? You mean like two, four, six, eight?

Right, but take out the "four." Weddings value the idea that "good things come in pairs," so giving an even number symbolizes things coming in twos.

"Good things come in pairs" — what a nice saying. So why aren't odd numbers okay?

Odd numbers are generally used for "white affairs," meaning funerals, so happy occasions avoid them.

So even odd versus even has rules. This is so complicated!

Haha, don't stress. Really, just remember two things: avoid "four," and use even numbers when you can.

Okay, avoid four, use even numbers. So between six hundred and eight hundred, which do I pick?

It depends on your feelings, and also on the local "going rate."

What's "xingqing"?

"Xingqing" originally refers to market prices. Here it means "the standard amount most people give." You can quietly ask other colleagues how much they usually give, and follow that — you won't go wrong.

Oh, so just "go with the flow" — give whatever everyone else gives?

Haha, you used that phrase so naturally! "Go with the flow" means following what most people do, and it really is a safe approach.

Then I've got a rough idea now. But how do I actually give the money? Do I just stuff it into the groom's hand?

Haha, of course not! The money goes into a red envelope, and that envelope is called a "hongbao."

"Hongbao" — I've heard of that! Isn't it the one elders give to kids during the New Year?

Yes, exactly that. Red represents celebration and good luck, so for happy events and New Year, money is put in red envelopes.

So at the wedding, who do I hand the red envelope to?

Usually at the wedding there's a table called the "gift money table." You just hand your red envelope to the person in charge of collecting gifts there.

The gift money table... will they open it on the spot to see how much is inside?

They'll write it down, but usually won't open it in front of you. Someone is assigned to keep a ledger, writing "so-and-so, this amount."

Oh, they keep a ledger? Why?

Because it's a matter of "courtesy demands reciprocity." Today you give him cash, and when you get married someday, he'll give you back the same amount, or even more.

"Li shang wang lai"... how do I understand this idiom?

It means "I show you courtesy, and you show courtesy back" — mutual exchange and reciprocity. Relationships are built up bit by bit this way.

Oh, so the cash gift is actually a long-term relationship account, not a one-off thing.

Exactly right! You really get it.

Got it. So the red envelope is sorted out. Next, what should I wear?

That's important too! What were you planning to wear?

I was thinking of wearing an all-white suit — it looks formal and clean.

Oh, definitely not! White is a big taboo at weddings.

Huh? Why? Isn't white pretty and formal?

In Chinese tradition, white is the color for funerals. And at a wedding, white is usually reserved for the bride's gown, so wearing white would "steal the spotlight."

What does "steal the spotlight" mean?

It means grabbing attention that should belong to someone else. The star of the day is the bride. If a guest dresses too eye-catchingly, they steal the bride's thunder, which is very rude.

Oh, I see. What about black? Black should be fine, surely?

Better not wear black either. Black also makes people think of funerals, and it's not very festive.

So what color should I actually wear?

Any festive color works — like red, wine red, or softer colors. Just look clean and appropriate. The key is not too grand, but not too casual either.

Got it — can't be more eye-catching than the bride and groom, but still respect the occasion.

Right, you summed that up perfectly.

Okay, so the outfit is settled. Next, can you walk me through what actually happens on the wedding day? I'm afraid I'll understand nothing and just stand there like a block of wood.

Haha, relax, I'll go through it from the start. At a typical Chinese wedding, there's a lively part during the day called "jieqin" (fetching the bride).

"Jieqin"? Does it mean picking up relatives?